Looking for the Fastest Way!

 A trap seizes him by the heel & a snare holds him fast. Job 18:9 NIV Bible

Although in this verse, the word "fast" isn't used in the way I wanted to address. In this case the word "fast" means to hold him "tight." But the rest of the verse, really ties in with this topic, in some kind of obscure way! When I was heavy, I was always looking for the fastest way to lose all my weight. I tried so many different diets, it would make most people's head swim. I tried some diets even more than one time. Sure, I would lose some weight on all these diets and dieting programs, but it seemed to be minimal compared with how much I gained once I quit them.

I even went so far as getting staples put in my ears, because that was the most recent weight loss fad related to acupuncture. Well, in this case, I only learned that I was allergic to the metal they used in the staples, because my ear got swollen, because I was allergic to the metal, and blood was dripping down my neck, as the doctor tried to remove the embedded staple.  

It wasn't until I gave up and told the Lord God, "If You ever want me to be thin, You'll have to do it, because I can't. I give up!" It was the very same day, the Jesus changed my eating and I no longer craved sweets and large amounts of food. He miraculously allowed over an 80 pound weight loss, in around six months, and has blessed me by having the vast majority of it staying off for over 30 years. It turns out, this verse was exactly right! When I was looking for the fastest way to lose weight through some program, I  was like I was in "a trap [that] seizes him by the heel & a snare holds him fast. When I turned to the Lord God, and gave up on looking elsewhere, everything fell into place, in short order! He can do the same for you, too!

Do I have a Hole in My Heart?

 The whole world sought audience with Solomon to hear the wisdom God had put in his heart. 1 Kings 10:24 NIV Bible

Now, God put wisdom in King Solomon's heart, but I was wondering if I have hole in my heart, where wisdom should reside instead? In my mind, another way of phrasing it would be, do I have an emptiness in my heart? The answer is: It varies.

When I read the Bible each day, which is one of the ways I like to start me day, I seem to be more aligned with what the Lord God wants of me. Now, most days I start my day reading the Bible, but on days I zip through the passages I'm reading, while I'm thinking of other things on my "To Do List," my day doesn't seem quite as aligned with the Lord as it should be.

Then, there are the days when I feel overwhelmed with what is on my plate and I kick the can down the road, thinking I'll read the Bible later when I have more time available. You have to know, on those days, almost invariably, I will think later in the day, everything's not just right, like everything is out of "whack" and wonder why. Once I prayerfully ponder this, I realize that it's because I didn't start my day with reading the Bible. Once I do, my life seems back in "whack' again and my day goes on, much more smoothly!

I Thought I Would Really Have a Good Life, Once I was Thin

 Jesus answered, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one come to  the Father, except through Me. John 14:6 NIV Bible

Now, for many years, I thought I would really have a good life, once I was thin. Was that the case? Even though the Lord God blessed me with loosing over 80 pounds, and I was at my goal weight, I was never what someone would think was thin. I was much thinner, but because of my body structure, and sagging former bulging skin, I never looked skinny, like some would think!

But in the process of getting thinner, the Lord God taught me so many lessons. One is that I was turning to food for comfort when I was stressed, and made it a false god, turning to food, instead of turning all my problems over to the Jesus' very capable hands. He taught me many things about myself, so my self-esteem was do longer dragging in the gutter. So, in reality, I did have a good life, but it had absolutely nothing to do with being thin!

It strictly had to do with Jesus Christ, Who said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life."  He's the one Who made me feel better about myself, whether I was heavy or thin. He let me know that He loved me as I was, whether I was heavy of thin. He showed me that the size of our body has nothing to do with who we are as Christians, it's the size of our hearts that counts. Do I give to those who are needy? Do I share my faith with others? Do I act hatefully or judgmentally to others? Although I'm far from perfect in these areas, the Lord God moves me to be a better Christian!

Watching as Others Eat

 They ate until they were gorged-He had given them what they craved. Psalm 78:29

What this is referring to is when the Lord God allowed the Israelites to escape the oppression of Egypt. They were in the wilderness complaining that they would have preferred to stay in Egypt, where they, at least had meat. The Lord God gave them quails all around the Israelite's camp until they made themselves sick from eating too many of them!

This is a tricky post, because I have gorged myself more than I'd like to admit. In fact, there are times that I still do, on occasion. Fortunately for me, the Lord God reminds me what I'm doing, and has it strong on my heart to stop, and turn things around. Sometimes, I get caught up in knowing how important it is to not eat this way, that I feel compelled to mentally note this when I see others doing so.

There have been a few times, where someone has commented to me, they don't know why they've gained so much weight. Sometimes, my sinful arrogant nature wants to say, "If you didn't eat so many sweets, it might be different." But the Lord has shown me, that these comments are not only not welcome, or helpful, but they are often counterproductive. I remember years ago, at a holiday dinner, someone went around the room with a tray of sweets and offered them to every person. When that person got to me, skipped me and went to the next person, commenting on my not needing any. I got so upset, I found myself going home and goring on lots of sweets that had been denied to me earlier. The Lord God has shown me, it's important for me to not do this same thing that I didn't like, to others!

Looking Down on Others

 Don't speak to fools, for they will scorn [a.k.a. looking down on] your prudent, [a.k.a. wise] words. Proverbs 23:10 NIV Bible

I most definitely don't like it when other people look down on me, like their opinions or lives are better than mine. If I feel this way, why do I find it so easy to look down on others whose opinions or lives are different from mine? The more I got to thinking about this, it's a form of judging others. And we're not supposed to judge others, so we aren't judged by those same standards!

Why wouldn't I be more sensitive to the differences of others, when I don't like people looking down on me? Why do I get caught up in thinking my ways or thoughts are right, but those of other people may or may not be, depending on how they align with my feelings about what the Lord tells us in the Bible? 

It is so surprising that those who read the Bible, say it says completely opposite things from those people they look down on, whether it's for religious, financial, political, ethnic, cultural, sexual preferences, amendment rights, etc. I realize that people on either side of any of these topics, can feel completely opposite about what the Lord God says in the Bible about these, and look down on those who think differently than they do.  I'm far from perfect, but I need to prayerful put these feelings of superiority over into Jesus Christ's very capable hands, for He gave His life to save all who love Him as their Savior! 

I'll Never Be Deserving of the Lord God's Love

For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, [so] that whoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God didn't send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. John 3:16-17 NIV Bible

When I read this passage, it generally makes me aware that I'll never be deserving of the Lord God's Love for me. What did I do to earn this. Nothing! The Lord God provided this for all who love Jesus Christ as their Savior. 

I trip up on my food, my eating, my relationship with others, and especially with Him, but Jesus Christ is always there, welcoming me back with open arms! I can never thank Him enough, nor can I deserve it. 

But when I think about it right now, the main thing I can do is accept the Lord God's love, instead of fighting it. It's like the Lord has a gold platter filled with love, but sometimes my actions say, I'm not worthy of Your freely given love, so I'm going to act accordingly. I have to pray, and let the Lord pick me and my drooping self-esteem back up and to remember, I'll never be deserving of His love, I only have to accept it, and live accordingly!

Why Do I Find it So Difficult to Tell the Lord God, I'm Sorry?

 Yet now, I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended, and so weren't harmed in any way by us. 2 Corinthians 7:9

The Apostle Paul is saying this. Although this post doesn't exactly have to do with this verse, it does relate to my life in a somewhat similar way. You would think when the Lord God has performed a major miracle in my life, like the loss of over 80 pounds and for the majority of it to stay off for over 30 years, I would be more appreciative of all He's done for me, and be a better example of how He works in my life.

Well the thing is, there are many times during the day, I feel so very close to the Lord God, especially when I'm reading from the Bible every morning and evening. It sets such a powerful tone in my life. But it's not five minutes later, I get back into the I's and Me's. I want this, Give this to me. Fortunately for me, the Lord God is very forgiving, but why do I find it so difficult to tell Him, I'm sorry?

Am I so absorbed in my own life, that I don't take the time to apologize when I've sinned? Actually, that probably is true. Is it that I'm so busy compiling lists of what I want to ask for in my prayers to Him, that I forget to say I'm sorry for all my many sins? This, too, is probably true. Is it that I take the Lord's forgiveness and all He's done for me, for granted? Again, that's probably true. The sad thing is, I could probably go on and on with this list of why I don't tell the Lord, I'm sorry, but I need to let my sorrow for these many things lead me to repentance for what I've done, and not take the Lord's Salvation and forgiveness for granted. 

Reciprocity: Give and Take Relationships

 In their hunger, You gave them bread from heaven, and in their thirst You brought them water from the rock. You told them to go in and take possession of the land, You had sworn with uplifted hand, to give to them. Nehemiah 9:15 NIV Bible

The word Reciprocity was on my mind this morning for a topic to post about. I don't know about you, but my relationship with the Lord God is not an even give and take one. It appears, as evidenced in this Bible verse, that the Lord does most of the giving, and we do most of the taking.

I am quite often more focused on my wants, instead of what Jesus Christ wants from me.  I'm ashamed to say this, because the Lord has given me so very much, beyond what I could ever explain to you. The least of which, is His allowing an 80+ pound weight loss and for the vast majority of it to stay off for over 30 years. But do I give back to the Lord, according to all the many things He's done for me, of which first and foremost, is Jesus Christ willingly giving His life for you and me, despite all our sins!

I need to be more prayerful about giving more to the Lord, not so much in the form of money, but more in being the example of my faith in Him, that He wants me to be. There are times that I turn that off and on like a light switch. Fortunately for us, the Lord God doesn't turn off and on His love for us, in the same way!

Why Do I Push the Limits?

Great is our Lord, mighty in power & His understanding has no limit. Psalm 147:5 NIV Bible

Fortunately for me, the Lord's understanding and forgiveness is limitless, but why do I push the limits? Actually, that's a really good question! I know He loves me unconditionally, but I'm always hedging, trying to find a way to have my cake and eat it to, both literally and figuratively!

He's shown me which foods I can eat and which I can't, usually by how my body reacts to them. Do I listen to what He shows me? Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't, especially when I really want something. An example is that I know that because I'm hypoglycemic, I don't handle sugar well. But when I go to the Mediterranean Buffet, I have to have some of their rice pudding that has chopped pistachio nuts across the top. I tell myself that I'm having the rice pudding because it reminds me about how my mother made rice pudding for me when I was younger.

Now, maybe a little rice pudding wouldn't have been so bad, but I push the limits and try to get the largest scoop of rice pudding that the large serving spoon will hold. I do similarly with other things. Like: sometimes I allow myself to have a little nut bread, like Banana Nut Bread, because I'm not eating it like a dessert. Really, I'm eating it because I like at the walnuts in it. But do I just take a small piece? No, I take a large piece and struggle not to go back and take more. I keep pushing my limitations and need to continue to pray to the Lord God to be in control of my eating issues. When I put Him in control, instead of letting food be in control of my life like a false god, my life and my eating fall into place!

The Slippery Slope and Chocolate!

 "Watch and pray so that you don't fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41 NIV Bible

This verse really has to do  with Jesus talking to His disciples shortly before He was betrayed by Judas Iscariot. Although that's not the focus of this passage, the words apply to my personal life related to temptations. I am hypoglycemic and know from experience that I shouldn't eat things with sugar. Sugar takes my body on a roller coaster ride. It elevates my blood sugar and then drops it very low. And sometimes those around me have to deal with the negative outcome I call the "Cranky Crabbies," when my blood sugar drops low after sweets.

Well, one time, I had made a 9" x 13" pan of chocolate brownies for my husband to take to work and share with co-workers. The batch got somewhat overcooked and the brownies were still on the sides of the pan. To redeem so of my labors of making the brownies, I cut about a half inch around the edges of the pan and only pulled out the ones within the middle. 

I wanted to make sure the middle brownies tasted O.K., so I ate one. It felt like a big 'Whoosh" went over my body. It was like after not eating sweets for so long, the effects of the chocolate had an extremely intense effect on me. I not only finished the brownie in my hand, but I ate every bit of the hard, overcooked portion of the brownies that I had to pry off the sides of the pan. I have since learned that chocolate has this effect on me even if I try a little bite of it. So, the Lord God has shown me that chocolate is my slippery slope, because my flesh is weak!

Hiding Behind My Disguise of Fat

The prophet went and stood by the road waiting for the king. He disguised himself with his headband down over his eyes. 1 Kings 20:38 NIV Bible 

Although I wasn't waiting on a road for a king, in the past, I have used my fat to keep me from interactions with others. I feared the rejection of others, so I told myself, "They won't want to be friends with me, because I'm heavy." Unfortunately, I did this for many years of my life, hiding behind my fat exterior.

But I found out when I was much thinner, thanks to the Lord God, that there are many other things we can hide behind, instead of our fat. I can say, "I don't drive as nice a car, I'm not in their social group, I'm not as attractive as they are, I'm not...." But these things are ways that have kept me from facing potential rejection.

Now, on the other hand, these things kept me from potentially having productive relationships with others. It wasn't until one day, I had this interaction with a very attractive young mother, that caused me to start view this differently. Actually, she had been an airline stewardess and a model, and was way out of my league. I never approached her, but one day when she was waiting to drop off her child at school, she seemed so forlorn. I asked her if she'd like to come over to my house and she said that she would. During the time she was there, she told me how lonely she was. She had major issues to contend with, but didn't have many friends for moral support throughout these. It appears I'm not the only one who doesn't approach others who appear to be out of our league. Anyway, this made me realize that my hiding behind my disguise of fat, not only hurt me, but it hurt this lady, who so badly needed a friend!

Down the Rabbit Hole

 Whoever digs a hole and scoops it out, falls into the pit they have made. Psalm 7:15 NIV Bible

Boy, I can really relate to this one! Sometimes I get so caught up in the daily events of life, that I put off my prayers, and the things like reading the Bible daily, that I know refresh me and my faith. When I do these things, when I later think about them, I realize that my interactions with others, especially those I care deeply about, has been less than patient and kind.

I know from experience that when I start my day with prayer and reading from the Bible sets such a positive tone for my life and my day. Why would I ever think to put it off until later or even think about skipping it, just today, because things are so busy?

Through these daily prayers and Bible reading, the Lord encourages me to be more mindful of being the person He wants me to be. There's such a definite difference when I don't push the world aside and take the time needed to do this. It usually only takes about 30 minutes, which really is a 30 minute investment is a much more peaceful day! Why would I allow myself to slip down the rabbit hole that I've dug for myself, and choose to put off what makes a major difference in my life?

Milking My Relationships with Others

 Do not take advantage of the widows or the fatherless. Exodus 22:22 NIV Bible

Although I haven't taken advantage of widows or the fatherless, there have been times when I have milked my relationship with others for various reasons. Sometimes it's just to get on their good side. Sometimes, it's because I wanted something from them, their knowledge or a favor from them. The thing is, I feel terrible about ever having done this!

The Lord Jesus teaches us that even though we have sinned, we don't have to continue doing those things. So, although I don't always realize when I'm doing this, that I should immediately turn this over to the Lord God's gracious hands to heal me of my ulterior motives!

I don't like it when others take advantage of me, why should I think it's O.K. for me to do so to others? What really hurts my heart, is that I sometimes try to take advantage of Christ. I use my faith in Him, to ask special favors that benefit me.  In Jeremiah 49:11, it says: "Leave your fatherless children, I will keep them alive. Your widows can [also] depend on Me." The thing is, there is a big difference related to depending on the Lord and trying to take advantage of the Lord. I don't want to cross those lines, but I'm fearful that I have in the past. Oh, Lord, I am prayerful that You heal me of milking relationships with others, but especially with You!!!

Prayers and Automaticity!

 If anyone turns a deaf ear to My instruction, even their prayers are detestable.  Proverbs 28:9 NIV Bible

When I was an teacher, they told us that we needed to teach our students to the point of Automaticity. That's so when a student sees the math problem 6 x 8, they automatically know the answer is 48, without asking themselves, what is 6 x 8? They don't have to stop and get a mental picture of 6 groups of 8, or calculate it on a piece of paper, they just know it automatically from all their practice with their math facts.

So, although automaticity may be great with math facts or learning the capitals of all the states, it's not always so great with prayers, at least, for me. Sure, it's helpful to know  how to say the Lord's Prayer, by heart, but it's not always conducive to saying a sincere prayer!

I have rambled through the Lord's Prayer, and wasn't even sure of which parts I had already said and which parts still needed to be said. That only happens, when I'm not totally focused on the words I'm sharing with the Lord. I may be thinking of what I needed to buy at the store for tonight's dinner. The thing is, Jesus Christ thought enough about each and everyone of us, to give His life as a ransom for our sins. I need to be much more mindful of my prayers to Him, and not rely on automaticity to speed me through my prayers! I am so sorry Lord!!!!

They are Fooling Themselves, but Who Am I Fooling?

 And he said to Moses, "Please, my lord, I ask you not to hold against us the sin that we have so foolishly committed." Numbers 12:11

Although this post doesn't really have to do with this passage, I sure do commit more than my share of foolish sins! Sometimes I inadvertently say or do things that hurt another person's feeling, without even meaning to. 

Sometimes, these people may be fooling themselves, and are only open to comments from others, who agree with their perspective. Sometimes, I think I'm helping others by sharing my experiences, but who am I fooling? 

Whether it's food, nutrition, child rearing, etc., it's all to easy for me to blurt out my opinion on a situation, feeling I'm being helpful, without even thinking about how my comments may make me sound like an expert on a topic. Doing so, may put others with different opinions, in an awkward position.  Although the person in this verse was asking Moses not to hold those sins against them, I need to remind myself to always ask the Lord God to forgive my foolish sins.

Those Who Try to Undermine Us

They were trying to frighten us, thinking, "Their hands will get to weak for the work and it won't be completed." But I prayed, "Now strengthen my hands." Nehemiah 6:9 NIV Bible

There have been times over the many years of a Christian Overeater Past and Present, that some people try to undermine my efforts. I'm not sure it's always deliberately, but possibly it is, at times. But really, it's not their intentions that matter, it's what we do when they try to talk us into doing things that aren't in our best interest!

There are the times when some I care about say, "It will be O.K. if you have an ice cream," after I've told them that it messes with my blood sugar and I often get what I call the: 'Cranky Crabbies' the next day when my blood sugar drops.

I wish I could say that I always pray and ask for the Lord God's help, like Nehemiah did when people were trying to undermine the Israelite's work rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem, but when I do pray, the Lord God gives me the strength needed to withstand that temptation!

Fat Chance!

I have seen something else under the sun. The race [won] is not to the swift, or the battle to the strong. Nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant, or fave to the learned. But time and chance happen to them all. Ecclesiastes 9:11 NIV Bible

Well, for many years  I thought I'd have a "Fat Chance" of ever losing all my weight, but I was most definitely wrong! The Lord God had another idea in mind! He didn't allow the weight loss of over 80 pounds, until I had learned that food and the thought of having a thinner body had become a false god to me. I was turning to food for comfort all those years in times of stress, etc. instead of putting these issues in Jesus Christ's capable hands. Once I learned this, my whole life, my food, and my eating changed.

When I turned to Jesus with my problems, I no longer had the feeling like I wanted to eat the doorknobs off. That's what I call the feeling when I had a gnawing feeling within my stomach and thought I was sick, or it was upset.  I would get something soothing to eat like pudding or ice cream. When, I still had that gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach, I would find something else to eat, but that never solved it, because I was turning to food for comfort instead of turning to the Lord God.

By the time I tried to rectify my gnawing feeling, I REALLY was sick to my stomach by then, and nauseated to boot! When I turn to the Lord with my concerns, joys, worries, etc., I no longer have that gnawing filling in the pit of my stomach that can't be satisfied. Of course, since I'm human, there are times where I start slip-sliding into old patterns, but fortunately, the Lord shows me what's happening, so I can turn even that over into His All Capable Hands, as well!

Why Should I Hope?

 "What strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be patient?"

Although this has nothing to do with being overweight, it still applies to my life. A big portions of my life, I had been overweight. I was the pudgy girl on the playground, last selected for any team. I was the person, that other kids would turn toward and giggle with each other. My ideas were often not listened to in the workplace and elsewhere, only for others to pay attention to the thin person, who repeated the exact same thing I said, and took credit for the idea!

My self-esteem was as low as it goes, but I always figured if I were thin, everything would be different. I hoped for years that the Lord God would let me loose all the extra weight. I went on so many diets, that it made my head spin. And some of the diets, I went on more than once. I even got to the point that I let a physician put staples in my ears to wiggle, so that it would calm my urge to overeat.  All I got from that weight loss fad, was the realization that I was allergic to metals other than gold, silver and possibly stainless steel.

At a point many years down the road, the Lord God showed me that food, eating, loosing my weight had become a false god to me. In matters of stress, or joy, I turned to food to comfort me, instead of turning to Jesus Christ for the comfort I needed. He showed me that once I would put these in His very capable hands, in times of stress and joy, He would provide the comfort I longed for, and I no longer felt compelled to eat all those sweets, starches, and huge amounts of food. That doesn't mean that I never start slipping back into old patterns. But my hope now is that the Lord God will keep bringing me back to Him, as many times as it takes, and He assists in refocusing me!

Just Be Patient!

Be completely humble and gentle, be patient bearing with one another with love. Ephesians 4:2 NIV Bible

Well, this seems like a really good verse for me to focus on right now! There is a project, and I look at it from a "Get 'Er Done," perspective. I thought I was going to be in charge of the project, so I made a multitude of various charts to make it easy for me to collect the data I needed to make wise decisions related to this project.

It turns out, that the Lord God had it on my heart, that someone else is supposed to be in charge of this project. That was a hard one for me to take, because of all my extremely efficient charts I had made, etc. I thought I was on top of this, but I wasn't supposed to be. What a humbling experience! It's an especially difficult thing for me, because one of my biggest vices is wanting to be in control of things. I found this out, when the Lord God showed me that all those years that I wasn't successful at loosing the excess weight, I had prayed almost daily, "Lord, help me loose the weight." It wasn't until I gave up and told God that if He ever wanted me to be thin, He'd have to do it, because I couldn't!" Well, it was that very same day, that a miraculous thing happened. I was no longer drawn to sweets, carbs, and plate after plate of food. It wasn't something that I did differently. As I prayerfully pondered why the Lord God allowed the 80+ pound weight loss, and for the vast majority of it to stay off for over 30 years, I finally realized that I had finally given up trying to be in control and turned it over to the Lord God's hands!

So, giving up control for this project is difficult for me. At times, I am white knuckle struggling for patience as the person who is now in control of this project seems to take their time. But it isn't my timing that counts, it's the Lord God's. So what possibly frustrates me, is what will provide successful, well thought out decisions related to this project, in the long run. I just have to be patient!

Why Can't I?

 Peter asked, "Lord, why can't I follow You now? I will lay down my life for You." John 13:37 NIV Bible

Although this doesn't match up with this verse, but I often find myself asking the Lord God,  "Why can't I?" "Why can't I eat like other people do?" "Why can't I just be thin, rich, and popular?"

Well, if I ate like other people do, it wouldn't be healthy for my particular body. Sure, some people can eat anything thing they want, and as much as they want, and they're still thin! But that's not the way the Lord God made my body. There have been many times where I've realized that if I hadn't been so overweight all those years, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to experience the miracles Jesus Christ did in my body, my life, and my faith, by allowing me to loose 80+ pounds and keeping the vast majority of it off, for over 30 years. Not only that, but if the Lord hadn't made all these changes in my life, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to share so many of these with blog viewers. I believe that the Lord God is able to utilize even the negative things that have happened to us, to help empower others to know the love of the Lord.

To address the other Why can't I questions: if I were to do what it takes to be rich and popular, I wouldn't always be the Christian example that the Lord God wants me to be. If I were rich, it's all too easy to get caught up in that life style and always want more and newer things! If I were popular, sometime in order to keep your status within a popular group, you have to either overlook your Christian ethics, like not judging or looking down on others, or getting caught up in joining their actions. It's not worth getting the approval of people, rather than the approval of the Lord God. 

Have I Been Found Wanting?

 Tekel: You have been weighed on the scales and found wanting. Daniel 5:27 NIV Bible

This passage seems soooooo very appropriate to me right now, although what I'll discuss isn't exactly what this verse is speaking of, but in some ways it is. So, the Lord has Daniel interpreting for the king, the writing that was written on the wall. So, Daniel basically tells the king, You've been basically put into a two-sided scale, but you fell short of having the full amount [you should be.]

Lately, we've been contemplating a major purchase, more out of necessity than just wanting it, but somehow my sinful human nature gets caught up in this purchase, more than I should be. Although I tell myself that worldly things aren't important, and the Lord God will provide what is needed in His timing. 

And I do believe this with all my heart, but do my action say that? Not really! Lately, I've found myself awake for hours in the middle of the night, contemplating the best purchase decision and ways to ensure that. When I type this, I realize this doesn't at all sound like I'm trusting the Lord to provide what is needed in His way and in His timing. I'm falling back into my old pattern, of trying to be in control of things, and trying to speed things along, so it happens sooner than later. I am humbled by this, because I'm not practicing what I believe, and I have been put into the scales and have been found wanting!

Is Losing the Weight the Prize?

Brothers and sisters, I [still don't] consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize, for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 3:13-14 

You might think that the Lord's allowing me an 80+ pound weight loss and keeping the vast majority of it off for over 30 years, was the prize for my efforts. If you thought this, you would be greatly mistaken! Sure, I have wanted to loose all my excess weight from the point I first realized that kids were pointing at my pudgy body, and were laughing at me.  They tried to do it secretly, but I knew what they were doing when they were pointing at me, giggling with their hands over their mouths, so I wouldn't hear the words.

I thought the weight loss was the prize, for so many years! Everyday, I would pray and ask the Lord God to help me loose all my excess weight, but it didn't happen. This happened for so many years, I finally got to the point that I was giving up, and I told the Lord God, "If you ever want me to be thin, You'll have to do it Yourself, because I'm giving up on the diets and all things related to them."

Well the thing is, that very same day, the Lord God made a major change in my life. He took away my desire for towers of food, lots of sweets, and pastries. I knew in my mind that I had liked those things, but I no longer desired them. It took a couple of days to realize that the Lord God had taken those urges away from me. The more I realized this, the more I put all my fears, anxieties, and stress into the Lord God's very capable hands. After the weight was lost, I wondered why this happened, since I'm a very sinful human being, and often put food first before my faith and my family. What the Lord had on my heart was that, when I said that prayer, that was possibly the first time I quit trying to be in control of my weight loss and stress, and started putting them over to the Lord. That relationship with the Lord God was the prize, and the weight loss was just the icing on the cake, so to speak!

Putting Things Off

 And [won't] God bring about justice for His chosen ones, who cry out to Him day and night? Will He keep putting them off? Luke 18:7 NIV Bible

I remember a time where I kept putting things off!  I will read my bible later. I will clean my house later. I will call those who are lonely, sometime later. I will exercise later. I will eat more healthy later. I will loose weight later. I'll turn it over to the Lord, later. And the list goes on and on and on!

But the thing is, the Lord God made us a priority. Jesus knowing He was going to be crucified to save us from our sins didn't say, "This isn't a good time for Me. I will think about it and maybe I will do it sometime later." It wasn't that making my weight loss or my eating a priority, made the difference. It was that putting my relationship with Christ first, was what made the difference!

When I turned my control over into His very capable hands in matters of food, weight, eating, stress, stressful chores, things I needed to do, or things I didn't want to do, my life took a totally different course! When I turned to the Lord God in all matters, good, bad, stressful, and indifferent, my life fell into place, and once the control was in the Lord's hands, all those things got taken care of, but were nowhere as important as my relationship with Jesus Christ. I have to admit, I still put things off until later, but the Lord shows me what I need to do, one step at a time!

What's in a Name?

 All the prophets testify of Him, that everyone who believes in Him, receives forgiveness of sins through His Name.  Acts 10:43 NIV Bible 

What's in a Name? One of my earlier memories is being called names, because I was the slow, pudgy girl that the teams picked last. Those names hurt me personally, and effected what I thought about myself for many years. I carried their name calling in my head, as if those names accurately described who I am.

When I got married, I had a new last name. It was like having a married name, could possibly erase all that negative self-talk I had within me all those years from my childhood. The thing is, when I looked to my husband to bolster my self-esteem, I was looking in the wrong place. It wasn't his name that made the difference!

It was when I started turning exclusively to the Name of the Lord God, my self-esteem was healed. Sure, it took some time, but when I would star to slip back into old counter-productive feelings and patterns, Christ would pick me back up and dust me off, and lead me in the way that that I needed to go, and that most definitely didn't include going around licking my wounds from my childhood! He healed me, and showed me that my faith in Jesus as my Lord and Savior was all I needed to heal my aching soul. That's because:  All the prophets testify of Him, that everyone who believes in Him, receives forgiveness of sins through His Name.  Acts 10:43 NIV Bible 

Just One More Time

 Then Gideon said to God, "Do not be angry with me. Let me just make one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece, but this time make the fleece dry and let the ground be covered with dew." Judges 6:39 NIV Bible

How many times do I test God? How many times do I push my eating program He's shown me, to the limit, wanting Him to save me from myself! There are those times where I feel that compulsion sneaking up on me and I say, "Lord, save me from myself and these overwhelming urges." He does do that, when I ask Him.

On the other hand, How many times do I want to eat what I want to eat, and put blinders over my eyes like they do for horses carrying passengers in the city, so that don't get spooked by what they see going on around them? Well, I'd have to tell you that I've done this more times than I'd like to admit. There are those times when I just want to eat it, and later say, "Oh, I've forgotten what You've shown me. Please take away all my extra weight that I might potentially gain by doing this." 

The thing is, God doesn't want us to try to manipulate Him for our own causes. Sure, He's there to assist us along the way, but it's my impression that He doesn't take kindly to times I'm trying to pretend I've forgotten what's healthy for me and what's not.  At least in the first situation I mentioned in this post, it's honest, open communication with the Lord God, unlike the second situation mentioned. There's a lot in this post for me to be prayerful about!!!

Wandering Around in Confusion!

 Pharaoh will think, 'The Israelites are wandering around the land in confusion, hemmed in by the desert.' Exodus 14:3 NIV Bible

This passage really struck a cord with me! Often in situations in my life, I've been in situations wandering around in confusion, hemmed in by self-doubts, etc. Times where I think I'm good enough to do one thing or another. Times when I'm trying to make a major decision and don't want to make a fool-hardy mistake. Times when I'm feeling insecure about what I've said and whether I've offended someone. 

As I write this, I find that this list could go on and on and on, but I will stop for your sake! In each of these situations I mentioned, and all the many situations that are still at the tip of my mind, they all had a very simple solution. If I turned to Jesus Christ when I'm feeling inadequate to do things, or I'm trying to make a decision, or I'm feeling insecure about what I've said, not only would my anxiety over these things be taken away, but the Lord's guidance is superb! 

He knows what is best. Christ knows whether I should do a certain thing, or decide a certain thing. He can heal the heart of the person that I'm concerned about, so that whatever I've said doesn't become an issue for them. Also, I can pray for the Peace Which Passes All Understanding, so that Jesus gives me that calm where I'm no longer fretting over these matters, because they are in the Lord God's very capable hands. 

Praying on Behalf of Someone Else

 Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was childless. The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife, Rebekah, became pregnant.  Genesis 25:21 NIV Bible

This wasn't exactly the same, but somewhat similar. I overheard someone describing a terrible on-going situation at their work, where this person continually felt harassed by someone in a position of authority, without any valid reason. 

I remembered a time about 40 years ago, when I worked with a supervisor like this. I tried so hard to please this supervisor, but she continually berated me, regardless of what I did. It stood in distinct contrast to my previous supervisor, who had been so supportive and who treated me with the respect any employee deserves. I found myself near to tears with the disgruntled supervisor! I didn't want her to see me crying, because some view it as a sign of weakness. So, I would go into the bathroom and cry quietly while I prayed. I would ask the Lord God to bless her and for her to feel His healing touch in her life. 

And you know what? Every time I would return from that bathroom, she would be less antagonistic toward me. Although I didn't share this with the person talking about the less than supportive supervisor, I realized that I could still pray the same thing for this person's supervisor, just like I did 40 years ago. So, I prayed for the Lord God to bless the supervisor and for her to feel His healing touch in her life. Although I may never know if it made a difference, the Lord God listens to our prayers and knows what's needed. It most certainly can't hurt, and it quite possibly might help!

The Lord God Answered My Prayer

 So we fasted and petitioned our God about this, and He answered our prayer.  Ezra 8:23 NIV Bible

Although this doesn't exactly relate to what they were praying about in Ezra, the topic of this passage is very similar! In the last few posts that I scheduled for Christian Overeaters Past and Present Blog, a common theme was coming up. At some point, in several of these posts, it came to mind that I need to be more prayerful about sharing my faith in Christ with others. 

Sure, I share my faith in Christ, with those who read any of the Christian blogs the Lord had on my heart to write, but that's sharing my faith in a relatively risk-free manner. I am doing this in the safety of my house, away from others who might look down on me for sharing my faith. It was on my heart that I needed to pray about being more open to take the risks to share my faith. So, I did, although I do have to admit and didn't consistently pray about it, but only every now-and-then. Fortunately, Jesus Christ listens all the time!

Interestingly, it wasn't something I planned out like: first I'm going to say this, then I'm going to say that. In the last few weeks, about five or six situations popped up when I was with others, where it was on my heart to share something about how the Lord God works in my life, related to my weight loss, related to how He works in my life, and gives me this sense of calm instead of self-loathing, etc. I don't really think I shared the self-loathing part, although I used to feel that way. I just shared the part about how Christ has given me this sense of calm in my life and what it a difference it makes. Although I was worried they might turn up their nose at me, they didn't. But even if they had, I should have been willing to take that risk, because Jesus Christ took such a BIG risk for me and for you, when He gave His life freely on the cross for us!

A Time to Hold Them and a Time to Fold Them!

The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them; the cords of their sins hold them [tight.] Proverbs 5:22 NIV Bible

I don't always realize when I need to let go of old patterns. Sometimes, I say I'm frugal to a fault! I think it's a funny way to describe, my being thrifty, but it also rings true! There are times when I have penny pinched situations where it became uncomfortable, in fact, even embarrassing to family members. Sure, it's good for me to not spend carelessly, but there's a time to hold they patterns that ensnare us, and a time to let them go!

My faith in Christ as my Savior, it one of the most important things in my life! I've been blessed by His allowing an 80 pound weight loss, and for the vast majority of the weight to stay off for over 30 years. The thing is, sometimes I get over confident, because the Lord God is always there to remind me when I start slip sliding into the old eating patterns that ensnared me for so many years. 

But there are times I tend to take Him and His redeeming love for granted and don't appreciate all He's done for me. I am reluctant to share my faith with others face-to-face, for fear of rejection. Fortunately for me, the Lord God is both forgiving, and leads me to be the person that He wants me to be. I have to let go of those old fears of rejection that ensnare me and keep me from being the Christian, He wants me to be. I started to say that I have to continue to be more prayerful about this, put if the truth be told, I pray about a lot of things and a lot of people, but I rarely pray about asking Christ to free me from those fears that ensnare me and keep me for taking the risks necessary to share my faith!

A Time to Let Go

But I know that the king of Egypt will not let you unless a might hand compels him. Exodus 3:19 NIV Bible

I was thinking that there's a time to let go. I time to let go of old habits, especially bad ones. A time to let go of relationships, especially bad ones. A time to let go of fears, especially bad ones. A time to let go of trying to be in charge of everyone and everything. That's one of my worst bad habits!

I have many habits, some aren't so bad, but letting go of my compulsive overeating was a bad one. With the mighty hand of God, I was compelled to change. This has changed my life, far beyond any amount of weight lost! It ties into my self-esteem, but even more than that, it ties into my relationship with the Lord God! I have let go of some relationships over the years, especially the bad ones!  Somehow, I thought I was deserving of their poor treatment of me. With the mighty hand of God, I was compelled to change. I'm so thankful for the healthy relationships with those in my life! 

Now, letting go to trying to be in charge of everyone and everything, is whole other story! I think I'm letting go of my need to be in control, but I find that I backslide on this one, even more than when I've fallen back into old eating patterns. The thing is, if I remember that With the mighty hand of God, I was compelled to change, my unhealthy eating patterns, I was freed from this. I have to remember to turn to the Lord God, when I find myself slipping back into my old control mode, that feels comfortable, because I did it for so many years. Because, With the mighty hand of God, I can be compelled to change! 

On the Way Here

 You, yourselves know how we lived in Egypt and how we passed through the countries on the way here. Deuteronomy 29:16

Although I've never been to Egypt, this sure triggered something within me. Really, the Israelites are talking about how they had to journey through the countries that were hateful to them and wouldn't even let them walk on their roads, despite the fact that they offered to buy water from them. They had to walk the long way around to get to the Promised Land. 

This give me a lot to think of. If I had been thin all my life, and kids picked me to be on their teams, and I had lots of friends growing up, instead of feeling left out, overlooked, and ridiculed because of my weight, I may not be here now. I wouldn't be writing this Christian blog, telling you how the Lord God did a miracle in my life, by allowing an 80+ pound weight loss, with the vast majority of it staying off for over 30 years, if I hadn't experienced all that on the way here. 

Maybe, instead of bemoaning the insensitive treatment that I had all those years, I should instead thank those people to leading me to the very best, extremely intimate personal relationship with my Lord and Savior, that goes far beyond any weight loss. He gives me a sense of calm, and a sense of purpose in my life. He makes me feel whole inside, where I always felt lacking. The thing is, He can do this for you, as well, if you ask Him into your life. You don't have to say any particular thing, or in any particular way. You don't have to say it out loud, because He hears you when you pray, even when it's simple words like: "Lord, I want to know You." He'll take it from there!

A Twist on Just as I Am

 When Timothy comes, see to it that he has nothing to fear while he is with you, for he is carrying on the work of the Lord, just as I am. 1 Corinthians 16:10 NIV Bible

In reality, did a search on BibleGateway.com for Just as I Am. The passage above is what came up that appealed to me, but has little to do with the reason I did the search. I had thought I'd write about how the Lord loves me just as I am, and He does, but that's not what this post is going to be about, after all. In this passage, the Apostle Paul is talking to them about assisting Timothy, so he can also continue sharing faith in Jesus Christ as our Savior, just as Paul is doing. 

Well, am I doing the same? Am I helping to share faith in Jesus Christ like Paul did? My sinful, human nature would like me to think I am, but I'm not. I make some halfway attempts at it, but I find so many other reasons to not fully do all the Lord God has on my heart. They would relate to someone else better than to me, why don't you have them share their faith, instead of me, Lord? Sometimes, people shy away from me when I share all the many blessings you've done in my life and for my family, I'm not the one you need to help others learn about You, Lord.

But maybe I am, and I'm not taking the risks to share my faith. Sure, it's easy for me to sit behind a computer screen and tell people how the Lord God allowed me to loose over 80 pounds and has kept the vast majority of it off for over 30 years, but is that truly the same as saying it face to face? I have so much to be prayerful about!

I'm Mistaken More Times Than I'd Like to Admit!

 He is not the God of the dead, but of the living. You are badly mistaken! Mark 12:27 NIV Bible

A couple of weeks ago, I got on the Christian Overeaters Past and Present Blog, and found out that I had gotten behind on posts. Today, I got on the same blog, thinking I would add some more posts, so I don't get behind, but in fact, I am behind. I was  mistaken again. To tell the truth, I'm mistaken more times than I'd like to admit!

But one thing I'm not mistaken about, is the sincere love that the Lord God has shown me over the years, whether I was heavy or I was thin! His love for me isn't determined on my size, my looks, my income, my faults or lack of faults. The Lord God loves me just the way I am.

I used to think that I would be happy once I was thin, but you don't have to wait until you're thin to have an active positive relationship with the Lord God. You don't have to read the Bible from cover to cover to have an active positive relationship with the Lord God. All you have to do is say in your heart that you want to know Him better, and He'll be there with you. Sure you can't visually see Him, but if you start paying close attention, you can feel Him in your heart and mind, and He will guide you to develop the relationship that defies all explanation. 

Not Too Difficult

Now, what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. Deuteronomy 30:11 NIV Bible

I just realized this post relates to the previous post about grumbling and arguing when the Lord God asks me to do something. That post focused on how I make a counter-offer, trying to get permission for doing that, instead of what Christ wanted me to do. 

When, I read this verse, it's like the Lord God is saying, "Debbie, those things that I've asked of you aren't too difficult for you to do, nor are they beyond your capabilities, or available time." You should know that the underlined portion are excuses I've used repeatedly over the years for not wanting to do what the Lord wants of me. But He tells me through this verse, "That's not a very good excuse, Debbie!" 

Christ asks me to share my faith in Him, and share the wonderful things He does for me on a regular basis. So, there's really no acceptable excuse for not doing that. But I'm the one who got so busy on one thing and then another, that's I've gotten behind on posts for this blog for several weeks. I need to apologize to the Lord, but also to you, my viewers. I am truly sorry, that I've put other things ahead of sharing how the Lord allowed an 80 pound weight loss and He has kept off the vast majority of that weight for over 30 years by reminding me when I start to slip into old patterns. I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you, like I should have by sharing this miracle on a more regular basis! Please forgive me! I need to ask for the Lord God's forgiveness, first and foremost, as well! 

Grumbling and Arguing and Connecting the Dots

 Do everything without grumbling or arguing. Philippines 2:14 NIV Bible

I just got off the phone with my doctor's assistant and found myself not willing to do exactly as they said. Of course, I had a counter offer for them. That doesn't seem so much like arguing, but isn't it still just a way to appease those you are arguing with?

They wanted me to take a medication that has certain side effects that I don't want to chance. I told the very kind assistant, that I would be willing to do any healthy things instead of taking the recommended medication. That conversation happened about 15 minutes ago, so it was fresh on my mind. Then, I realized that I also grumble and argue with the Lord God in pretty much the same way, although I don't actually realize that's what it is. 

I tell the Lord God things like this when I think He wants me to do something, "Lord, I'm not so sure that I want to do what You asked me, because I'm far too busy, etc. How about I do this other thing instead?" I hadn't really connected the dots before, which really makes me think. When I ask the Lord to take care of my food, body, stress, and eating, He doesn't say to me, "Debbie, I'm not so sure I want to do what you asked Me, because I'm far too busy, etc. How about I do this other thing instead?" I feel really horrible, because I've been doing this periodically over many years now! I need to ask for forgiveness for grumbling and arguing when He asks anything of me, and be more open to be receptive to what He requests! 

I'm a Control Freak, Having a Difficult Time Admitting It

 Do you know how God controls the clouds and makes His lightning flash? Job 37:15 NIV Bible

I don't feel like a Control Freak, but when I look at the evidence the Lord God shows me, I very reluctantly admit it. This, in and of itself, is some of the evidence, since I drag my feet about admitting that I like to be in control of situations in my life! A big portion of my life, I frequently prayed, God help me loose all my excess weight. Help me become thin, help me be the person You want me to be, help me eat less, help me have more friends, help me be more respected, help me have better self-esteem, and the list goes on, and on, and on! It wasn't until one day when I was giving up on ever losing my excess weight I'd carried for most of my life, I prayed to the Lord God. 

I said, "Dear God, I give up on ever being thin. I've tried and tried and tried, but I only loose a little weight and gain even more back than I started with. If You ever want me to be thin, You'll have to do it, because I can't!" The irony is, that very same day, the Lord God made a dramatic change in my life. When I prayed my "I give up" prayer, I didn't expect God to do anything. I was just giving Him notice that I was giving up on ever trying to be thin. But, in hindsight, I've found out that's the first time, I ever turned over control into the Lord God's very capable hands! 

That same day, I no longer craved sweets, which had become an addiction to me, nor did I want plate after plate of food. He also showed me that food had become a false god to me. I was turning to food to comfort me in times of stress, joy, worry, boredom,  rather than turning these over to Christ. Once I started doing that instead of turning to food, that worked a wedge between me and my faith in Christ, my whole live changed. He allowed the loss of over 80 pounds and has allowed the vast majority of it to stay off over 30 years. I had never realized all those previous years that my being a Control Freak, was what was keeping me from having a closer relationship with the Lord, having better self-esteem, and friendships. He can do the same thing for you, too, if you truly let Him do that!

Not My Plans, but God's Plans

 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to [benefit] you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV Bible

Boy do I ever make plans. The thing is, I get so busy making plans of what I want to do or say, I don't always listen to the plans the Lord God has for me. In fact, I get so busy making elaborate plans, I can't even hear it sometimes, when the Lord has something on my heart that's significant for me to listen to! It's kind of like I'm a little kid with her fingers stuck in her ears, trying to block out what someone else is telling them, because they don't want to do anything, but what they want to do. Actually, this blog post is a very eye-opening one for me, because that's exactly what I do, but I don't really realize it, at the time! 

Fortunately for me, the good Lord doesn't give up on me easily and most often brings me back to the point, to where I can hear what He was telling me. Unfortunately, sometimes that's after the fact, when I'm realizing in hindsight what the Lord was trying to warn me about. 

An example would be, when I skipping lunch and the Lord knows I'm hypoglycemic and get shaky or edgy when I missing a meal or not eating during my normal time. I virtually say by my actions, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm busy right now on a project, and I will listen to You, Lord when I'm finished with it." When I get cranky with others or impatient with my project not turning out the way I want, He reminds me that if I had eaten when I was supposed to, I would have had more energy to continue my project and I wouldn't have been cranky with others. Knowing this, do I always do that? Well, to be honest, I do it more often than I used to, but recently I fell into old eating habits that might not have happened if I had eaten when I should have. I am so blessed to have the Lord God in my corner, who doesn't give up on me when I backslide!

I Was Waiting for the Wrong Things!

 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14 NIV Bible

It seems that before the Lord God performed the miracle in my life that allowed an 80+ pound weight loss, and for the vast majority of it to stay off for over 30 years, I was always waiting for one thing or another. I think I was mainly waiting until I felt better about myself.

I was waiting to when I was thinner. Then, I would feel better about myself. I was waiting for people who appreciated me for who I am. Then, I would feel better about myself. I was waiting until I was a smaller size, so I could wear more fashionable clothes, instead of the stretch pants that had the elastic completely stretched out, because I was horrified to buy the next larger size. If I was thinner and had those more fashionable clothes, and people who appreciated me, then, I would feel better about myself. The list of things I was waiting for, is much longer than this, but I wouldn't have time to tell you what was really worth waiting for, if I make an extensive list of things.

After, the Lord God allowed that miraculous weight loss, I didn't initially feel better about myself. Sure, I could wear more fashionable clothes, and some people respected me and my opinion more, but there was still something lacking in those initial goals. It's what Christ showed me along the way, through the weight loss process. He showed me that when I was worried, stressed, over tired, insecure, happy, or sad, I turned to food to comfort me. I had made food a false god, because I turned to it for comfort, instead of turning these issues over into the very capable hands of my Lord and Savior. Once, I started to do this, I started feeling better about myself, long before I lost all the weight, before I got more fashionable clothes, or had people who appreciated me for who I am. For the Lord God loved me just as I am, fat or thin, flaws and all. Once I realized this and stopped turning to food to comfort me and turned to Christ, those other things didn't matter any more, and Christ gave me the comfort I longed for!

Not Being Surprised When I Don't Fit In

 They are surprised that you don't join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you. 1 Peter 4:4 NIV Bible

There used to be a time that because I was so overweight, I didn't want to stick out like a sore thumb, so I went along with things I really shouldn't have. I might have been with a group, when someone made fun of someone else for one thing or another, usually things they had no control of. Although I didn't agree, I was afraid to stand up for what I thought, because I didn't want them to heap on the verbal abuse on me instead.

It was all too easy to just fit in with the group, but the Lord has changed me heart. I have to admit, that I still struggle with standing up for others when people are making fun of them, but it's a work in progress. It's not always easy saying, "That's not a nice thing to say" or "I don't agree with you!" Fortunately, the Lord God doesn't give up on me, but continues to show me ways to stand up for those ostracized. 

You would think that being ridiculed for my excess weight for so many years, would have made me, even more sensitive to being treated like this. But the more I try to be aligned with what Christ wants of me, the easier it gets to stand up for others, regardless of whether I fit in or not!

The Overs: Overeating, Overweight, Overcompensating

 If you do what is right, [won't] you be accepted? But if you don't do what is right, sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you, but you must rule over it. Genesis 4:7 NIV Bible

Although this particular passages doesn't totally have to do with the topic of this blog post, it does tie in. I was overweight for a big portion of my life. The more I felt insecure about my weight, the more I overate. In doing this, I felt even more insecure, so I overcompensated for it in counterproductive ways! I used to try to be the nicest, friendliest person, willing to do favors for anyone I knew and some I didn't know very well. 

I thought that they would be so impressed with me for all I did for them, they would see through my overweight and find out what a wonderful person I really was. I thrived on what I call the "Good Debbie's." That's my ways of saying that I ate up all the compliments people gave me, just like eating up chocolates. Neither of which were very good for me! I eventually found that by overcompensating to hide my overweight from excessive overeating, I started getting taken advantage of. I found that I thrived on the 'Good Debbie's" so much, that I was willing to overlook this. But after a point, the Lord showed me that's not what He wanted for me. 

I heard from someone that in order to be walked on, you have to first lay down like a door mat. The Lord used this comment to lead me to prayerful contemplation about what I was doing with my friends, with others, and complete strangers. The Lord had it on my heart, that I was of value, not because of what I did for others, but because I was a child of God, regardless of my weight. The more I prayed about this, the more He showed me many ways that I had set up situations, that led to people treating me this way. With turning this inadequacy over to Christ's very capable hands, I started having more healthy friendships and relationships, and no longer needed to rely on overcompensating. I just needed to rely on the Lord! 

Am I Helping Others?

 Joanna, the wife of Chuza, the manager of Herod's household, Susanna, and many others. These women were helping to support them out of their own means. Luke 8:3 NIV Bible

I admire those people who are so dedicated to risk their lives to help others in war-torn areas, or places with famines, and inadequate water, food, and shelter. Sure, it's easy to contribute to these worthwhile causes every-now- and-then, but what do I do? Am I helping others?

I go through the motions, but when I think about these women, who supported those early believers in Christ, it makes me realize how they must have lived in fear of being caught, risking their lives, to allow others to learn of the salvation that they might receive through faith in Jesus Christ.

The other portion of this passage I'm thinking about, is that they supported them out of their own means, which means that they dipped down into what was needed financially for their daily needs. Again, it's easy for me to pack a bag or two of canned goods, but it never brings me to the point, of making it where we might not be able to get by financially. I am so blessed, but so were these women. They risked everything to share their faith, but I risk so very little. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't been the Christian these women have been! This is lots for me to definitely be prayerful about!

Lord, Please Protect Me from Myself!

Do not withhold Your mercy from me, Lord; may Your love and faithfulness always protect me. Psalm 40:11 NIV Bible

Sure, it's easy for me to say to the Lord, protect me from everything that might be a temptation to me. But what really is needed, is that I ask the Lord for protection from Myself. I get arrogant, without even realizing it, thinking that I can maintain my weight loss, faith, and interactions with others.

When I get in this complacent mode, I am tripping my own-self up! At that point, I'm the one who is drawing close to crossing the line of vanity, self-absorption, and sinful lusts. I need the Lord, to protect me from myself! 

Whenever, I realize I'm starting to slip down a slippery slope, the good Lord, is always there with open arms to welcome me, and refocus me with the needed mind-set, focused on Him, and not on myself. Oh Lord, please give me a humble spirit, so I don't lose my way. Keep me focused on Your will and not mine! Amen.

Am I an Example of My Faith?

 But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds & I will show you my faith by my deeds."  James 2:18 NIV Bible

So, this lets me think deeper into this passage, reflecting on what the Lord has for me to learn through this post. Do I truly show my faith in the Lord God, through my deeds?

My first instinct is to say, "No way! I am a sinful human being, and I can never come closing to being the example I should be of the positive impact the Lord has had on my life!" Actually, quite the opposite is true! I think that the Lord, instead of using me as a stunning example of how I should be as a Christian, He utilizes some of my many, many flaws, to show how He loves me despite all of them. 

He loves me whether I'm thin, or I'm heavy. He loves me whether I share my faith, or I withdraw into a corner and hide from others. The Lord God loves me unconditionally. The thing is, His love for me, despite my many flaws, moves me to attempt to be a better example for others! Of course, I can't totally be that example, but hopefully from sharing how the Lord God opens His arms wide to me, welcoming me back, no matter whether I've gone on an overeating binge, or I've been impatient or intolerant of others, demonstrates how amazingly wonderful and forgiving the Lord God is!!!

What Am I Up To?

 Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you & I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of His body, which is the church. Colossians 1:24 NIV Bible

The Apostle Paul suffered through so much, in order to be able to share faith in Jesus Christ, the Risen Savior, with others. What am I up to? Actually, that's a good question, because I'm not sure which was the Lord God is leading me on this one!

I think it may be that I get complacent and go through my normal routine, without giving specific focus on what the Lord God wants me to be doing. I do what's comfortable and don't push myself beyond my comfort zone. Fortunately for me, Jesus Christ didn't do the same thing!

He didn't say, They are going to mock Me, whip Me, and even spit on Me, I'm not so sure that Debbie, going through her routine activities, as if they are on My behalf, is really worth all that pain and effort! He loves me as I am, heavy, thin, complacent & devoted, but I think that through this post, He's guiding me to be much more devoted and focused on what He wants me to do on His behalf!

What Am I Hiding From?

Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in You. Psalm 143:9

What am I hiding from? Is it people who look down on me, because I'm not stick skinny, I'm not wealthy and drive an expensive car? Is it those who don't like the way I share my faith, because they feel differently? Is it really that I'm hiding from my sinful human nature?

You know me how I am Lord! You know my faults and my many insecurities! I can hide those faults from others, but I can't hide those faults from You, O Lord. What's remarkable, is that You still love me anyway, despite my many faults and insecurities. 

Do I have to look a certain way or have a certain number in my bank account? Do I have to be on every church committee that exists? No. You love me as I am!  Sometimes, I'm my own worst enemy, so I pray, Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in You. 

I Am With You

 I am the Lord, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, so you will no longer be slaves to the Egyptians. I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high. Leviticus 26:13 NIV Bible

I just walked by the TV on the way to put this belated post on the blog. I heard the sports hero who was being interviewed state that he felt so alone. We have all felt that way one time or another, whether for different skin colors, weight, income levels, ethnicity, politics, etc. Fortunately, the Lord God said, I Am with You.

So, that means that whatever situation we come across where we feel less than the wonderful person the Lord God created us to be, we know within us that the Lord God said, I Am with You. With you through thick and thin, no pun intended. 

It's amazing with all the Lord God has done for us, it's so easy to overlook this, when others put us down, or look down their noses at us. But the Lord God wants all of us to walk with our heads held high through faith in Him.

Who Am I Trying to Impress?

 Those who want to impress people by means of the flesh are trying to compel you to be circumcised. The only reason they do this is to avoid being persecuted for the cross of Christ. Galatians 6:12 NIV Bible

Well, this Bible verse doesn't have much to do with this post, but the underlined portion does. When I was younger, I knew of someone young, who gave all of a family member's jewelry away. As I got older, I realized that person did this, because she didn't feel good about herself and wanted to buy friends. In fact, I might not have been very understanding that she would do this.

Now, many years later, I found that when I had a disagreement with someone, I, too, was trying to think of ways to butter up that person, so the discord would disappear, and we'd be friendly again. It was after lots of prayerful contemplation, I was doing the exact same thing as that young girl, I didn't understand.

On thinking about this, I've tried to compliment people, or do favors for them, trying to get in their good graces. When I think about it, I'm not so different from that girl! I remember that I prayed for God to 'help me' loose the weigh, thinking that I would have lots of friends, if I were thinner. It didn't happen until many years later, when I put my food, eating, stress, etc. into the Lord God's capable  hands, that He allowed my weight loss of 80+ pounds and to keep the vast majority of it off for over 30 years. I think it was probably the first time that I turned the total control over to the Lord God, instead of asking Him to 'help me' loose the weight. 

It's Not Too Hard for the Lord!

 "Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time, next year and Sarah will have a son." Genesis 18:14 NIV Bible

This post has nothing to do with having children. It has to do with nothing being too difficult for the Lord God! It has to do that for many, many years, I would pray and ask the Lord God to help "me" loose all my extra weight. It wasn't until I had prayed this after many years of dieting, to no avail, loosing a little, but gaining more back, and I said, "Lord, I give up! I can't do it and if You want me to loose weight, You'll have to do it Yourself, because I can't!"

Actually, I wasn't expecting anything to happen from this prayer, that ended up turning my whole life around! For it was that very same day, that the Lord God took away the urge to eat sweets, and excessive amounts of food, as if to fill in the hole of my sagging self-esteem. I had been turning to food all those years for comfort, and it became a false god, instead of turning to the Lord God! He allowed the loss of over 80 pounds and for the vast majority of that weight to stay off for over 30 years. 

I think it's because I always wanted God to help "me," instead of giving up control and turning it over to His very capable hands. I think it's the first time I let Him be in control, in my life, instead of me wanting to be in control. Nothing is too difficult for the Lord!

Over Committed!

 The next day, Moses said to the people, "You have committed a great sin. But now I will go up to the Lord; perhaps I can make atonement for your sin." Exodus 32:30 NIV Bible

Although my post doesn't exactly relate to this particular Bible passage, it does relate to my situation in a more personal way. It's about how I allow myself to become over committed, which ends up being a sin, that I do this!

I have certain projects the Lord God has on my heart to do for Him, like this blog, to show others how He works in our lives, despite our sinful ways, and low self-esteem. But I get too busy by taking on too many other commitments, that I fall behind in doing what the Lord wants of me.  

I checked on this blog and my last post went out yesterday, and there were no others scheduled ahead to post. There were times it crossed my mind to schedule some posts for it ahead, but I just kept kicking the can down the road. Sometimes, I find it easier to say, "Yes," to other people and put Christ on the back burner for another time. It's a real-eye opener for me and it makes me think that when it came time for Jesus Christ to give His live for our sins, although He had never sinned, He didn't kick the can down the road and say, "I'll do it later, when I have more time." Fortunately, the Lord has a BIG heart and is very forgiving, even of my MANY sinful actions and brings me back to refocus on Him and His love for me! He love you too, and will do the same for you, as well, if you only let Him!

Lord, Don't Let Me Slip Through Your Fingers!

 The law of their God is in their hearts; [so] their feet don't slip. Psalm 37:31 NIV Bible

Since I wrote the previous post about trying to play God, I've had a lot of soul searching to do. I guess I become complacent and don't realize what my actions are really saying to the Lord. It's kind of ironic, since I have a blog titled, What Do Your Actions Say to Jesus? 

Anyway, today I was praying, Lord, don't let me slip through Your fingers!  I got to thinking about this. It's just like when I ate whatever I wanted, regardless that I knew how it affected my body, my weight, my moods, my self-esteem, and my family, but I would pray, God, please help me loose weight!

It's similar in both prayers, that I wanted to do whatever I wanted, but I put the burden on the Lord God, and He was supposed to make sure things turned out the way that I preferred. The Lord isn't Who would be letting me slip through His fingers! It's me and my arrogant, self-righteous attitude, thinking I know what's best, and I leave the Lord God to pick up the pieces. Christ has many lessons for me through all of this!!!! 

Instead of My Playing God

 And and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds, in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 NIV Bible

It wasn't very long ago that I was praying about a situation. In my prayer I asked for God's peace that passes all understanding, so I put my concerns into His very capable hands, instead of my playing God.

It wasn't until that time, that I realized that I go through the motions of trying to play God, without even realizing it! I was asking God to have "this and that" happen in a specific way I desired. 

Who did I think I was kidding? God knows what is best in every situation. I was trying to control the situation and asking Him to only have the outcome I desired. I really had my eyes opened up! The thing I'm concerned about, is that I will become complacent and forget this insight the Lord gave me related to my interactions with Him! I pray He never tires of reminding me, and bringing me back into focus again the same way He reminds me when I start returning to food for comfort, rather than turning to my Lord and Savior in matters of stress, etc.