For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you you don't forgive others their sins, you Father won't forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15 NIV Bible
I was talking with a friend about a couple of months ago, and during our conversation I said something about having a difficult time forgiving myself for things I've done wrong. She asked me if I knew that Jesus forgives our sins, and I told her that I know that, I just have a difficult time forgiving myself. She made an interesting comments, although I can't remember the exact words. It was something like: "Don't you realize that you are minimizing what the Lord does for us when He forgives our sins?"
Periodically, I've prayerfully pondered this, but it's still not reconciled in my mind and in my heart. Sometimes, I feel the Lord God has this Christian Overeaters Blog more for my well-being and Christian growth, than for anyone else. Sure, I may sound like I have all the answers, but I certainly don't. It is the Lord Who shows me my errors, and how I've turned to food to comfort myself, instead of turning to Him for comfort. Now, I need to turn to Him for clarity, because I still can't totally forgive myself for some things.
I will just mention one situation of how I still beat myself up: over hurting my grandfather's feelings. I had gone to the beauty parlor to get my hair done for my 8th grade graduation, and I really didn't like what they did. I walked home from the beauty parlor thinking about how I was going to redo my hair and see if there's something I could do to fix it for the graduation that night. When I got home, my grandfather was sitting in the front room and I briefly said, "Hi," as I walked into my bedroom to work on my hair. My mother later told me about how my grandfather waited for me to get home for hours, so he could give me the portable typewriter that he had gotten me for my graduation, and he had his feeling hurt and went home.
I was too caught up in my own issues, that it didn't even cross my mind that my grandfather was sitting in the front room waiting for me. I was too self-absorbed, and I ended up hurting his feelings. I have a difficult time forgiving myself for that. In fact, I have tears in my eyes when I write this. I know the Lord forgives me, and my grandfather probably forgave me, but I still find it difficult to forgive myself. I'm just going to have to be prayerful on this one, because I don't have the clarity yet. But sometimes you have to know there is a problem to be rectified, before turning it over into the Lord's hands. Maybe, that's it????
