In the Deep Darkness

 You [have] laid me in the lowest pit, in darkness, in the deeps,[a.k.a. deep waters.] Psalm 88:6 KJV 

Sometimes, it's so easy to look at all the gloom and doom in the world, and feel like our future is bleak, like the darkness in this passage. But I have to remind myself periodically, that the Lord God is loving, and if I continue to focus on Him and His love for us, He will get me through whatever lies ahead.

I used to think I was heavy, and I could only imagine being thinner, but the Lord God made it a reality, after living most of my life trying to hide my feelings in layers of fat. It was amazing when He showed me that's what I was doing. Instead of dealing with my feelings, I was turning my stress and worries over to food to comfort me. He showed me that food had not only become a crutch in my life, but a false god, because I turned to food instead of to Him. Once, I started putting my food, body, eating, and fears in the Lord God's gracious hands, my whole life changed.

It's not like I wasn't a Christian, and then I became one. I had been a Christian from early in my life. It's more that as a Christian, I was the one who hid my feelings, and emotions in the deep pit and felt like I was in the darkness. The Lord God didn't do that, and once I started turning all my worries, etc, over to Him, I didn't have to worry. I didn't have to rely on food anymore for comfort, I just needed to rely on the Lord God. So, whatever happens ahead, the Lord God will be by my side, even when all feels bleak!

Forgiving Myself

 But if you don't forgive, neither will your Father, [Who] is in heaven forgive your trespasses. Mark 11:26 NIV Bible

Last week, I wrote about rarely forgiving myself when I've done something in the past. A friend gave me the impression that I'm not honoring the sacrifice Jesus Christ gave on the cross in order to forgive us of our sins, so that we may have Salvation.

Well, I truly believe that, and that the Lord forgives me all my sins, if I ask Him, and I have asked Him many times. The thing is, I have difficulty forgiving myself. I don't think about those things often, but I still do think of them periodically. This particular Bible verse says: But if you don't forgive, neither will your Father, [Who] is in heaven forgive your trespasses. Usually, I always take this to mean if you don't forgive others, and I think this verse is phrased that way in other books of the Bible. 

But this particular verse just says if you don't forgive, I won't be forgiven. I'm having this tug of war. Part of me thinks, I should focus on this interpretation. The other part of me thinks, that by periodically rethinking some of the things I've done, that I regret, I won't become complacent, and it gives me more of a contrite, and humble spirit, but only the Lord God knows for sure which is best. I still need to prayerfully contemplate this! The Lord will show me what I should do, but it's on His timing and not mine!

Why Don't I Forgive Myself?

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you you don't forgive others their sins, you Father won't forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15 NIV Bible 

I was talking with a friend about a couple of months ago, and during our conversation I said something about having a difficult time forgiving myself for things I've done wrong. She asked me if I knew that Jesus forgives our sins, and I told her that I know that, I just have a difficult time forgiving myself. She made an interesting comments, although I can't remember the exact words. It was something like: "Don't you realize that you are minimizing what the Lord does for us when He forgives our sins?"

Periodically, I've prayerfully pondered this, but it's still not reconciled in my mind and in my heart. Sometimes, I feel the Lord God has this Christian Overeaters Blog more for my well-being and Christian growth, than for anyone else. Sure, I may sound like I have all the answers, but I certainly don't. It is the Lord Who shows me my errors, and how I've turned to food to comfort myself, instead of turning to Him for comfort. Now, I need to turn to Him for clarity, because I still can't totally forgive myself for some things. 

I will just mention one situation of how I still beat myself up: over hurting my grandfather's feelings. I had gone to the beauty parlor to get my hair done for my 8th grade graduation, and I really didn't like what they did. I walked home from the beauty parlor thinking about how I was going to redo my hair and see if there's something I could do to fix it for the graduation that night. When I got home, my grandfather was sitting in the front room and I briefly said, "Hi," as I walked into my bedroom to work on my hair. My mother later told me about how my grandfather waited for me to get home for hours, so he could give me the portable typewriter that he had gotten me for my graduation, and he had his feeling hurt and went home. 

I was too caught up in my own issues, that it didn't even cross my mind that my grandfather was sitting in the front room waiting for me. I was too self-absorbed, and I ended up hurting his feelings. I have a difficult time forgiving myself for that. In fact, I have tears in my eyes when I write this. I know the Lord forgives me, and my grandfather probably forgave me, but I still find it difficult to forgive myself. I'm just going to have to be prayerful on this one, because I don't have the clarity yet. But sometimes you have to know there is a problem to be rectified, before turning it over into the Lord's hands. Maybe, that's it????

Teacher???

The student is not above the Teacher, nor a servant above his Master. Matthew 10:24 NIV Bible

I was a teacher for many years, of a wide variety of age groups and abilities. I seemed to find my self-worth in being a teacher. It really hit me hard when we had moved back to our previous stated, and found out that it wasn't very easy for me to obtain a teaching job. When we had talked about moving back to that previous state, I thought, "No, big deal! It should be easy for me to find another teaching job!" Boy, was I ever wrong!

There was an economic crisis, and they were weren't hiring many, if any teachers in the school districts were we lived. What I thought would be an easy process, turned out to take two years before I got a full-time teaching job! The time I spent waiting for the full-time teaching job, was some of the most productive, soul-searching time, I ever had! The Lord God knew that I had attached my self-worth to being a teacher. Over that two year period, I ended up planning curriculum for a preschool, volunteering in schools, taking a part-time teaching position for an aide, and editing the book the Lord had previously led me to write. 

It took until I was at the point that I felt that who I am, wasn't dependent on my teaching career, and I started realizing that what I did in the future was in the Lord God's hands. I had to get to the point, that knowing that the Lord was in charge, was more important than whatever career I might have, if any! When being a teacher, didn't matter to me anymore, that's when the Lord allowed me to have a full-time teaching job. But this time, it wasn't so important, in that, I realized that my viewing myself as something special as a teacher, was arrogant. I needed to be a teacher with a humble heart, which is something the Lord worked to change within me, and He continues to do!

Oh No! The Bottomless Pit Can Come Back!

And he opened the bottomless pit; and there arose a smoke out of the pit, [like] the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened [because] of the smoke of the pit. Revelation 9:2 KJV Bible

It seems that I have been taking my relationship with the Lord God for granted! He has done amazing things in my life! One of which, is the Lord took away my urge to eat immense amounts of food. I used to eat, and eat, until I nearly made myself sick. This never changed, until I told the Lord God that: I give up after all the dieting, and if He ever wanted me to be thin, He'd have to do it, because I can't!

Well, He did just that! At the time, I didn't expect the Lord to do anything, other than realize that I was giving up after 90 bazillion diets, only to gain back more weight than I had lost. But the Lord actually took that urge to eat large amounts of food away. It turns out that I had made food a false god in my life, and I was turning to food to comfort me in times of stress, etc., instead of turning to the Lord God. He showed me that when I felt hungry, especially at times when I shouldn't still feel hungry, I can turn that gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach, usually caused by stress, over to His capable hands. 

So I pray each time I eat, or want to eat when I shouldn't, for the Lord God to take care of my food, body, and eating, and He's done this for over 40 years! But yesterday... I was going to a late lunch with some family, and was hungry. So, I ate three pieces of overly ripe fruit to tide me over. But then, we went to get chicken for lunch, I ate three pieces of fried chicken, because I rarely eat it. I also ate the biscuit, and coleslaw, and felt  just fine. It frightened me, because when I got home, I realized that I could still probably eat an apple or two, on top of all of that. The Lord God showed me that the Bottomless Pit that I turned over to Him, could come back, if I let it. It shows me that I've become too complacent in my relationship with the Lord, and I was starting to turn to food again, which would only spiral me down deeper into the pit, if I let it. I need to focus on praying to the Lord God to let Him be in charge of my food, body, eating. and stress. and not me!

Waiting, but Do I Do It Patiently?

 I will wait at the fords in the wilderness until word comes from you to inform me. 2 Samuel 15:28

This post doesn't have much to do with this particular Bible passages, other than it reminded me of how well I wait! Actually, that's far from the case! I don't wait patiently, nor do I wait for the right things!

I waited and waited until I was thin, to think better of myself, when I should have been turning over my self-esteem to the Lord God's very gracious hands long before that. When the Lord let me know that I should wait and be patient while He worked within me, and the ways I ate, I tried to speed things up, which was counterproductive! For the Lord had significant reasons for me to wait to be thin. He had lessons He needed to teach me about why I ate, and when I ate, not to mention what I ate, and how much!

Fortunately for me, the Lord slowed me down, to the point that I would listen to His very invaluable lessons. The Lord showed me that I had turned to food, like a false god, to comfort me in times of stress, joy, and worry! Instead of turning to food as a false god, I was neglecting to turn all these concerns over to the Lord God's very gracious hands! Once I started praying and turning my food, my eating, and my stress over into the Lord's hands, the weight started coming off. Sometimes, the lessons you get while you are waiting, are much more important than what you are waiting for!!!

Have I Become a Weak, Two-Faced Christian?

 And [Jesus] answered and said to them, As it is written,[Isaiah,] the prophet [has] said well [about] you hypocrites, [a.k.a. someone who says one thing and does another,] This people [honor] Me with their lips, but their heart is far from me. [However,] they do worship Me in vain, teaching the commandments of men, for doctrines. Mark 7:6-7 KJV Bible [paraphrased.]

Sure, I say that the Lord God allowed me an 80+ pound weight loss, and that He has allowed the vast majority of it to stay off for over 40 years, but that doesn't make me a loyal Christian. All this happened through the Lord God's mercy, and not by me. In fact, all those many years ago, I used to pray, asking the Lord God to help me lose the weight, but it never happened, or some came off, temporarily, but I quickly regained it. It wasn't until I gave up and said to the Lord, "If You ever want me to be thin, You'll have to do it, because I can't, and I give up!" And you know what? He did it, starting that very same afternoon. None of this speaks to me being a loyal Christian, but it speaks to the Lord God, Who is all merciful!

Although I profess to be a Christian, do my words say one thing, and my actions say another? If I'm being honest, I'd have to admit to being a weak, two-faced Christian! It pains me to say so, since I love the Lord dearly, not because He allowed this great weight loss, but because He first love me, even when I'm a sinner. "*But God [commends, a.k.a. demonstrates,] His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 KJV Bible

But do my actions demonstrate my love for the Lord? I am far too quick to avoid situations where I share my faith in Him, when I'm face-to-face, with another person. I say I am a Christian, but I get impatient with those I care about, and I don't show the same amount of compassion for them, as the Lord shows for me. I'm so sorry, but do I change my actions and my attitudes to be more aligned with what the Lord God wants? Unfortunately, not as much as I should. This post brings to mind, the many things that I have to be prayerful about!

What Is Best?

 Why, you don't even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while, and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. James 4:14-16 

Deep down, I know that when I pray, I should ask the Lord's will in whatever the matter is, but do I? Unfortunately, although this is a vitally important thing, I rarely do it. I get caught up in asking the Lord God to do this or that, whatever way I'm asking. And to top that I off, I also pray, please don't let it be this other way, that I disapprove of, as if, I'm the Almighty God, Who knows what is best!

How could I be so arrogant. The Lord God has generously shown me His hand in my life more times than I can mention. One of which is that He took away my desire to eat large amounts of food, and sugar until I'm sick to my stomach. Did I do this myself? No way! It didn't happen until one day when I had been on a bazillion diets, but only had regained what little weight I had lost. 

I sat down that morning and told the Lord God, that I was giving up. I had tried losing weight and I couldn't do it, and if He wanted me to be thin, He's have to do it, because I couldn't! Well, that very same day is when He took those compulsive overeating urges away from me. I wasn't even exactly asking for them. I was just putting the Lord God on notice that I was giving up on dieting. But He, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, realized that I had given up my control over to Him, although I didn't quite know if yet. If the Lord God knew what was best in this situation, and so many other situations in my life, why wouldn't I ask Him for His will to be done and not mine? There's a lot of me to prayerfully contemplate in all of this. First of all, I need to apologize to the Lord God for being so arrogant, to think I know what's best!

I've Gotten Too Caught Up in Worldly Possessions and Didn't Even Realize It!

 He will no longer be rich and his wealth will not endure, nor will his possession spread over the land. Job 15:29 NIV Bible

I have been reluctant to get a newer type of phone. I have clung to my flip phones, thinking that they have kept me humble. I didn't need any of the modern phones like those who have them, or covet them!

Well, I wasn't aware of what a really eye-opening experience unfolded for me recently, related to phones and my humility. I really loved my old flip phone that had voice texting capabilities. It broke, and I tried to buy another. The thing is, that company doesn't make the flip phones with voice texting anymore. I even went to another store, but although it had the capabilities for voice texting, I didn't have the basic requirements for that feature to work.

I had a younger relative, hoping to move me into the 21st Century. Although he calmly supported me, in ways far beyond his years, he gently encourage me to get a more modern phone. I kept telling him, "No, I have to go through what I have to go through, and grieve the loss of the ability to get a flip phone with this feature, because I will be willing to contemplate getting a more modern phone!" Although it probably sounds silly, that's really what I said, and that's really what I felt. I felt I was clinging to a phone that kept me humble, but in reality, if you read the underlined portion above, I loved my old flip phone. So of late, the Lord has had it on my heart, that if I love a flip phone, even if I think it's keeping me humble, it really isn't, because I'm loving a worldly possession. And my loves should be reserved for the Lord God, and for my family, and those less fortunate in the world.

Am I Being Humble?

 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. James 4:10 NIV Bible

Well, that is a very significant question! I think that deep down, I think I'm being humble, but is that actually so? Every time I pray to the Lord and ask Him to do this specific thing for me, for someone else, or for the world, I'm really not being humble. Somehow, I get it into my head that I think I know what is best for me, for someone else, and for the world! That's pretty arrogant, if you ask me!

I forget to ask the Lord God to take care of the situation, but not ask Him to do it the way that I've already pre-determined is the best way. I need to remember that when the Lord God doesn't do it the way that I think is best, isn't best. I'm talking about the Lord God, Who is all-powerful, all-knowing, and is forgiving. So forgiving, that He had His Son, Jesus Christ, give His life on the cross to save us from our sins, if we ask Him.

So, where do I get off thinking that I know what is best in any of these situations? Even though this has been on my heart lately, I find myself slipping back into that same routine. Unfortunately, that routine feels too comfortable, that I don't even realizing that's what I'm doing. I'm so very sorry that I have taken advantage of my Lord and Savior this way! I pray that the Lord God humbles my soul, so that I get off my high horse, and let Him be in charge, for only He knows what way is best!

It Doesn't Give Me the Right to Look Down on Others!

To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with Me on My throne, just as I was victorious, and sat down with My Father on His throne. Revelation 3:21 NIV Bible

The Lord God isn't talking about the one who is victorious at losing weight, because that weight loss didn't come from me, or anything that I did. The 80 + pound weight loss only came from the Lord God. If I know that it came from the Lord God, how could I think this gives me the right to look down on others?

Honestly, I don't think that I'm looking down on others who overeat, but my mind is full of many tips, and suggestions, that I would like to make to them. Usually, I don't share these, but every now-and-then I do with people I really care about.

It wasn't until I gave up, and told the Lord God that if He ever wanted me to lose all the weight, He'd have to do it, because I couldn't. Actually, when I prayed this, I wasn't really expecting something to happen. I was just giving the Lord God a heads-up, that I wouldn't be dieting anymore. But the thing is, on that very same day, my eating, and my focus changed. I think it was because that was the first time that I had given up control, and turned it over into the Lord God's hands. That doesn't make me more special, or someone who can judge others as they struggle with this same issue. The Lord God could do it for you, or anyone, who puts their control into His very gracious hands, along with their food, body, stress, and eating. 

Secretly Looking Down on Those Who Eat Sugar, Sugar, and More Sugar

 Save me from all my transgressions. Don't make me [scorned, a.k.a. looked down on, by] fools. Psalm 39:8 NIV Bible

From time to time, there are some that I know, who have health issues that are negatively impacted by the amount of sugar they eat. Usually, I just mentally note it, but there are other times, I have mentioned it to them. In my mind, I think I'm sharing enlightening information that could possibly change their life.

The thing is, do I really think they take this important information that I've shared, as being beneficial to them? Actually, initially, I think they do, but in writing this post, I realize I am totally off base! Prayerfully contemplating all of this, I remember the eye doctor years ago, who had told me that my eyesight would be better if I would only lose some weight. I also remember the relative, who told me that I had gained weight recently. I remember being incensed by this, thinking, "Doesn't this relative know that I notice that I've gained weight, every time I step in front of the mirror! How insensitive could they be to make a comment like this!"

This hurts my heart to realize that I've been doing this same thing to others, whether I state it, or think it within my mind. Lately, while prayerfully contemplating this, I thought, "Debbie, don't you realize how you used to eat sugar, sugar, and more sugar? Don't you remember how you ate grapefruit with layers of sugar, that you would eat,  and immediately add another layer of sugar? Don't you remember sleecing pies, where you would cut thin slices out of the pie, and then another, and another, until so much of the pie was gone, that you squashed the top of the pie down, so it looked like more of the pie was left?" I'm overwhelmed with how I've put these memories on some back shelf, instead of being more sensitive and supportive of those, who deal with these same issues. I pray that the Lord God, opens my heart to the plight of others.

I Can't Get That Time Back...

They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved-you and your household." Acts 16:31 NIV Bible

This is a very gut-wrenching, personal post. But if I don't share it, others might not realize what the difference a day or two can make. Not that long ago, during the night, the Lord God had it on my heart to tell someone about the Lord God's love for him. I, almost immediately said, "No, Lord, it will only push him away from me. I've talked about you before to him, but I think this might be too much for him!"

I didn't even ask the Lord, what He wanted me to say. I didn't ask the Lord, whether I should say it or not. I wasn't even open to contemplating this request that was on my heart in the middle of the night.

Two days later, I got the terrible news that this same person passed away unexpectedly! I can't get that time back to share the Lord's love with that person one more time. I can't rewind the clock, and ask the Lord whether my contacting that person would have alienated him even more or not. I didn't even try, I just shut the Lord God's request down in it's tracks. I deeply regret not listening, and doing what He requested of me. I only hope that my failure to act on the Lord's request, didn't keep this person from Salvation! I continue to pray for the Lord's mercy for both this person, and for me, and my arrogance in thinking I knew what was best.  

I Go Through the Motions of Asking the Lord God, But...

"Do you think this is just? You say, 'I am in the right, not God.' Yet you ask Him, 'What profit, [a.k.a. benefit,] is it to me, and what do I gain by not sinning?' Job 35:2-3 NIV Bible

I'm ashamed that I need to share this with you. I go through the motions of asking the Lord God, but I have already determined in my mind, what is best. That means that I'm not being open to what the Lord God knows is best! Am I only looking for things that benefit me, or those, whom I love and care about?

Just thinking I know better than the Lord God, is arrogant at the very least.  It turns out that I am saying, "No, no, no, Lord, do it the way that I want!" I think that one of the many benefits of this blog, is that the Lord shows me what I am actually doing, or not doing what He's asked me to do!

Can I get over myself, and thinking that I know what is best? It was the Lord God, Who waited until I gave up control, and thinking that I could make my weight loss happen, before He showed me that He is in ultimate control! You would think that a 80+ pound weight loss, would remind me to get off of my high horse, and be more humble to the Lord God, Who really knows what should happen. 

I've Become a Stiff-Necked Arrogant Christian

 "But they, our ancestors, became arrogant, and stiff-necked, and they didn't obey Your commands." Nehemiah 9:16 NIV Bible

The Lord God has done so many miracles in my life, like His allowing an 80+ pound weight loss, and for the vast majority of it to stay off for over 40 years. Do I take this to heart, well, maybe not as often as I should.

I take the miracle that He did in my life for granted, and let it slide to the back shelf, and instead, I focus on other things that catch my attention at the time. Well, the Lord God, should never be put on the back shelf. I don't know how I could take Him for granted like I have. By doing this, it's like I'm trying to take all the credit for what He has done for me, thinking that whatever's on my mind at the time, is much more important than what He might want me to do!

I'm ashamed by my arrogance, and stubbornness! But just talking about it with you, isn't significant enough. I owe the Lord God a sincere and heart-felt apology. And an apology is just a bunch of words, if I don't really let the Lord God change my heart, to be more attentive to His needs!

It Seems that I Just Want the Lord God to Be a Yes Man

I call on You, my God, for You will answer me. Turn Your ear to me, and hear my prayer. Psalm 17:6 NIV Bible

 It was on my heart the other day, when I was praying for the Lord God to take care of someone that I have concerns for, I realized I was just wanting the Lord to be a Yes Man. I prayed to Jesus, asking Him to do these wonderful things for this person, but not these things that I thought weren't so wonderful. I didn't really focus on the implications of my prayer, and how I was asking to the Lord God to do exactly as I had requested.

My arrogance in thinking that I know what is best for me, and for others, is exactly what stood in the way of my loosing my excess weight all those years. I would pray, "Dear Lord, help me lose the weight. Help me..." When I prayed this way, I was without realizing it, fighting the Lord God for Supremacy in my life, and the lives of others.

It wasn't until I gave up control over my food, stress, eating, and everything else, and told Christ, that if He wanted me to be thin, He'd have to do it, because I couldn't, that the weight started coming off. It didn't happen six days earlier or three weeks later, but it started that same afternoon! The thing is, I'm appalled at how easily I fall back into those old patterns when I'm praying. The Lord God always sees the Big Picture and knows what is best, which isn't always what I'm praying for.

Dragging My Feet, and Reluctance to Do What the Lord God Wants!

Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7 NIV Bible

This passages brings up so many different things, that I may need to address. I was just explaining to younger relatives, about how giving to others for the Lord, shouldn't be just what we don't want or need, of: money, items, food, etc. I had to admit to them, that I have been a reluctant giver, and although I hated to admit that to these young relatives, I didn't want them to grow up being selfish like I was.

Years ago, I went as a chaperone on a mission trip to Juarez, Mexico while the youth group helped build cinder block houses for the people, who live there. Many had been living in houses made from old pallets and cardboard, with lights strung from house to house, like Christmas lights. The only water they had for their families bathing, cooking, and cleaning was stored in a big round garbage type of barrel outside their home, and that was only delivered to them twice a week. One of the older youth members came to me and said that they had decided to go through their suitcases and find all that they could leave for the people in the community, because they had so little. I thought it was a good idea, and I went through my suitcase, trying to determine what I could leave there. I made a pile of things that I didn't mind parting with, and I had a pile of things that I really like, and I didn't want to part with them. Then, that night, as I lay in my bunk, being prayerful about the day, the Lord God had this on my heart. Just like the poor widow who contributed her 2 mites, which was all the money she had, in contrast to the rich men contributing, what looked like a lot of money, but was from their excess money, I was doing the same. I was only willing to give what I didn't want as much, but not willing to give what I really valued. That next morning, I felt led to put it all in the bag to leave there. How could I have be so self-absorbed when so many, had so very little?

Then, I also remember how the Lord God had it on my heart to start a new blog, and I asked Him if He was sure that He wanted me to do it? I figured there were other people with more time on their hands that would do a much better job than I would, by posing on an additional blog. But the Lord didn't turn a blind eye when I told Him that I give up, and if He ever wanted me to be thin, He'd have to do it, because I couldn't! He healed me, even knowing how reluctant I would be to donate my clothes and items. He healed me, even knowing that I would ask Him if He didn't think someone else would do a better job. I'm ashamed that I have drug my feet, on doing what the Lord God wants from me, and I need to be more prayerful about doing His will and not mine!

The Lord God Cares for Me Like the Apple of His Eye, Do I Do the Same?

 Keep My commands and you will live; guard My teachings [like] the apple of your eye. Proverbs 7:2 NIV Bible

This morning, I was thinking about how the Lord God cares for me like the apple of His eye. When I was overwhelmed by unsuccessfully trying soooo many different diets over most of my life, I prayed to the Lord and said, "Lord God, I give up! I can't do it! If You ever want me to be thin, You'll have to do it, because I can't!" It was amazing, the Lord God took the urges to eat large amounts of food, and oodles of sweets away from me that very afternoon. It always surprised me, because I was praying, because I expected the Lord to do something for me, I was just praying because I was giving Him notice that I was giving up on diets, because I couldn't do it.

But the Lord God healed me from my many compulsions, like I'm the apple of His eye. But do I treat the Lord, in return, like He's the Apple of my eye? Do I do the things He wants me to do? If the truth be told, I have failed Him miserably! I haven't shared my faith in Jesus Christ, on several levels. I'm reluctant to share my faith in the One, Who gave His life on the cross for me, with others, for fear of one thing or another. I have gotten so involved in other projects, that my posts on this blog have gotten spotty, at best. But shouldn't I be keeping His commands, and His teaching like the apple of my eye?

Shouldn't I be praying for the willingness to share my faith with others I meet, despite all my fears of inadequacy, or fears of offending others? Shouldn't I make sure that I ink out enough time, to make sure there are more consistent posts, telling people about the amazing things the Lord God has done for me? Instead, I hide behind one reason or another, and put my love for the Lord on a dusty old bookshelf, instead of sharing my faith in Him like the apple of my eye. I need His forgiveness, for I tend to be too self-absorbed, and don't do His will. Fortunately, when I pray for His forgiveness, He always welcomes me with open arms, and He will do the same for you, if you let Him!

Sometimes My Requests to the Lord Revert Back to the Gimme Gimmes!

 In the morning, Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait expectantly. Psalm 5:3 NIV Bible

Most mornings, I do about five minutes of stretches for my head, neck, and spine. As I do these, when I have aches or pains, I rub my hand over it and ask the Lord God to heal it. By the time I finish these stretches, I have probably asked the Lord to heal about 30 or so aches and pains that come during the period of those stretches. The Lord always heals those pains, just like He took away my urges to eat large amounts of foods and heaps of sweets! 

In that the Lord heals my pains, that doesn't mean that they don't ache or cause pain at a later time, just the same way that cravings for something I shouldn't be eating pop into my mind periodically! But those craving go away when I focus on the Lord God, and pray for Him to heal these from me again.

But this morning, it was on my heart that I revert back to the Gimme Gimmes from the Lord, heals my aches and pains, and heal my desires to compulsively overeat, but am I doing what the Lord God wants? He is answering my request, but am I responding to His requests to share my faith, and to be a good example of how Jesus Christ works in my Life? If I'm being truthful, I lay out a whole bunch of requests for things for the Lord God to do for me, and I tend to turn a blind eye at the things I'm reluctant to do for Him, Jesus Christ, Who gave His life on a cross to save me from my sins. It saddens me to think I've done this to the One, Who loves me soooo much! I need to be more open to doing what the Lord God requests!

The Free Gift of Grace from the Lord God

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, [a.k.a. deeds,] so that on one can boast. For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10 NIV Bible 

In my last post, I talked about how I sometimes flounder like a fish on the riverbank, when it comes to sharing my faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Well, when I'm reading this Bible Passage right now, as I type this, it makes me realized that the Lord prepared in advance, what He wanted me to do and say, but I don't always accept His free gift of grace.

Instead, I find so many other reasons, why I'm not the best person to share my faith in Jesus. Maybe I will alienate them from believing in Him? Maybe I will say the wrong thing? Maybe I won't be a good example of how the Lord God works within my life? There was a time in my life, that instead of praying to the Lord for His will, I would turn to food to comfort me, making myself oblivious to what the Lord wanted from me.

But the Lord God healed me from my compulsive overeating over 40 years ago, when I put my food, body, eating, and stress into His very gracious hands. Why wouldn't I realize that He will do the very same things with my fears of inadequacy? Maybe in order to be better able to explain to others, I need to look in the mirror, and receive the free gift of grace from the Lord God myself, instead of making up so many excuses!