Sometimes I Flounder Like a Fish on the Riverbank

 "Come follow Me," Jesus said, "and I will send you out to fish for people." Matthew 4:19 NIV Bible

I know that the Lord God asks for me to fish for people, but I let my fears of being inadequate, leave me floundering like a fish flopping around on a riverbank. I know that's not what the Lord wants for me, but sometimes, I don't take the risks to share my faith in Him, the way I should.

I'm such a sinful human being, and have turned to things like food for a majority of my life, but the Lord God has healed that compulsive overeating. But instead, I use my fears, like a crutch, like I did food, and I wonder if what I say will do more harm than it will do good? Will my words push people away from the Lord, rather than draw them to Him, and the wonderful Salvation that He offers to all of us, who believe in Him? As I write this, it makes me realize, that by my floundering with this dilemma, I am letting my fears keep those very same people, from possibly hearing what they need to know, in order to have that same wonderful Salvation that the Lord offers!

I forget to pray for the willingness to share my faith, and to let the Lord heal me from all fears that lead me to flounder about doing so. Jesus Christ's Holy Spirit will give me the right words, if I only let Him. Why should I be floundering and risking the potential of their having Eternal Life, someday? I need to continue to be more prayerful about being a better listener for the Lord God's will in this matter!

I Can't Sleep and Have Too Much on My Mind

Even [like] the Son of Man [didn't come] to be ministered [to,] but to minister, and to give His life [as] a ransom for many. Matthew 20:28 KJV Bible paraphrased

I was lying in bed contemplating all the arrogant thoughts and plans that I recently had. In that I was planning what I should do for the Lord God, is arrogant in itself! Like I, a sinful human being, can know what the Lord wants. There was a time when I would have eaten over all of this, but instead, I got up to type this out, and see what the Lord wants me to learn from it.

I say all this, reflecting back to the time the Lord had it on my heart to start a new blog, and I had the gall to say to the Lord, "Are you really sure that You want me to do this, Lord? I'm really very busy, and maybe there's someone else, who could do a better job." The Lord continued to tug on my heart about this, and eventually, I realized that if the Lord God wanted me to do this, He would provide the way to have it happen successfully, and He did. But why am I so resistant to attempt new things that He might have on my heart? Knowing that He was about to give His life for us on the cross, Jesus Christ didn't say, "I really am too busy now, to give My life for Debbie and others." He was willing to do, what was needed to provide Eternal Life for those who believe in Him.

Jesus Christ came with the heart of a servant, to serve and to give His life for others, but instead I'm trying to think of grandiose things that I might do. Again, this is arrogant. My lack of humbleness, astounds me! I guess that I thought I was humble, but am I willing to focus myself on what may seem trivial? After prayerfully contemplating this for several days now, it seems that I'm looking at things through the eyes of a sinful, arrogant human being, and not through the eyes of the Lord God, for He alone knows what is needed! 

  

I Realized My Goals Were Arrogant!

To fear, [a.k.a. respect,] the Lord, is to hate evil. I hate: pride, arrogance, evil behavior, & perverse speech. Proverbs 8:13 NIV Bible

Sometimes, I think I'll do this, or I'll do that, to show my love for the Lord God. I make elaborate plans in my mind, going through every little detail, to ensure the best outcome. But those thoughts are often arrogant, thinking that I know best what the Lord wants from me!

It seems, in my very human opinion, that the very best things, are often those that I haven't planned, but are those things the Lord has on my heart. That doesn't necessarily mean that they are something that we naturally want to do. Sometimes, it's those things that are difficult, that may be most meaningful. I don't mean that they are difficult, beyond our ability to accomplish, but difficult in that, sometimes they might involve the most personal risk. 

Sometimes it's taking the risk to stick your neck out for someone else, when to do so might draw disfavor with others. Sometimes, it's taking a back seat, in favor of the needs of others, when it's so much easier to put ourselves and our needs first. I wish that I did this more often, but I find that I often cling to what is comfortable and feels safe. Why is it easier for me to do the arrogant things that I plan in my heart, than to wait for the humble requests the Lord God has on my heart? Fortunately for all of us, the Lord God doesn't give up on any of us, and continues to tug on our heart strings, to be an example to others of how He works in our lives!