Romans 5:21 That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord.
I've been taking all that Christ has done for me through the weight loss for granted. I feel so ashamed! He took my stress and compulsion to eat sweets and large amounts of food away. They had become a false god in my life, because I turned to them instead of turning to Christ in times of stress, etc. It's been over 35 years that God has taken care of my food, body, and my eating, but I notice that my pants and my sleeves are getting tight-two of the indicators that I'm off-track with my eating and my relationship with Christ. That means, I've been fudging on my eating and fudging on my prayer time with Christ, turning all my concerns over to His very capable hands.
Tonight, I had an eye-opening experience. I was really craving something sweet and with nuts. I should have paid attention, because I rarely crave sweet things when I'm putting my vices into God's hands. Anyway, I was going to make these oatmeal cookies, that use unsweetened applesauce and honey instead of sugar. I'm hypoglycemic and can't have sugar. It throws off my blood sugar, my moods, and my interactions with others. I found the recipe and started to get out the ingredients when I realized I didn't have any unsweetened applesauce. I said a quick prayer thanking God, because He knows whether I should be eat the cookies or not, even though they don't use table sugar.
Later, I figured that I would look up a different recipe that didn't use applesauce and would just put a lot of nuts in it. Truth be told, it's probably the nuts that I was craving more than anything! God let me realize that I was putting an inordinate amount of attention on these baked items with nuts, so I decided to put the idea on the back burner and eat some watermelon in the mean time. I cut some watermelon for both my husband and myself and one of the pieces slid off the cutting board. Instead of putting it into one of the bowls or trashing it, I quickly thought that piece is mine and shoved it into my mouth! I immediately started choking. I held my hands over my head and tried to catch my breath, something that didn't happen immediately. It was pretty scary!
Not only had I been obsessed with baked items chock full of nuts, but I was been greedy when I grabbed that watermelon and quickly crammed it in my mouth! Did it matter to my husband that I ate that other piece of watermelon rather than divide it between both bowls? No! It's what was going on in my mind when I did it and God knows my thoughts! Right after this, I remembered that I ask for God to heal my food, body, and eating and my willingness to let Him heal my vices. This shows me that I have sooooooooooooooooooo much to be prayerful about. I've been taking the grace that Christ has extended to me for granted. More than gaining my weight back or reverting to old eating patterns, I don't want to let my close relationship with Christ slip through my hands. My life has been at peace even through stressful times when I've turned everything over to Christ. I don't want to go back to the way things used to be, the way I used to feel about myself, and how I reacted to others, including God. I need to be prayerful for God's forgiveness and grace in these matters. Romans 5:21 That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord.
