Since I feel led to share this particular passage, I want to be open to what I'm really supposed to share, not what I think you want to hear. I read back through the verses prior to this and those that followed this where Martha is talking to Jesus about the death of Lazarus.
At first, I thought I was supposed to share about the passing of my step-grandfather, but that's not what I'm supposed to write about. I'm supposed to write to you about death on a totally different level. It's about a death inside of me that happened over years of building up layers of protection from hurtful comments from others intertwined with a poor self-esteem. I'm not sure that part of the layers of fat I added to my body all those years weren't just another part of the layers of protection. At least with being heavy, I didn't have to deal with people. I didn't have to take risks. I just determined that they wouldn't want to be my friend, they wouldn't be open to anything I might want to share, so I just nixed the opportunity to interact with them.
As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I allowed my weight to become a crutch and my shelter from further pain, either real or perceived. Sure, today, people treat me with respect, but when I was heavy, that wasn't always the case...or was it??? Was it that I just thought it might be the case, so I just avoided the opportunity from the beginning?
So, what's wrong with this if it only hurts me? Well, I'm a child of God-He doesn't want me to live in constant pain. He doesn't want me to hide from life behind a cloak of fat to protect me from the world and interactions with others. If God wants to use me as an example of how He works in my life, how can I possibly do this when I am pushing people away? There's no way God can use me when I'm like this.
So, if God wants me to be an example to others, if He's shown me that I'm pushing others away and hiding behind my overeating, He will heal these if I let Him. He will give me life, so I don't have to continue to feel dead inside, not just here on earth, but, also, for eternity. John 11:25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in Me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: 26 And whosoever liveth and believeth in Me shall never die. Believest thou this?
Since I have used this Bible passage as an example of how God has positively influenced my overeating, this does not necessarily reflect the whole meaning of the verse.
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