Why Should I Hope?

 "What strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be patient?"

Although this has nothing to do with being overweight, it still applies to my life. A big portions of my life, I had been overweight. I was the pudgy girl on the playground, last selected for any team. I was the person, that other kids would turn toward and giggle with each other. My ideas were often not listened to in the workplace and elsewhere, only for others to pay attention to the thin person, who repeated the exact same thing I said, and took credit for the idea!

My self-esteem was as low as it goes, but I always figured if I were thin, everything would be different. I hoped for years that the Lord God would let me loose all the extra weight. I went on so many diets, that it made my head spin. And some of the diets, I went on more than once. I even got to the point that I let a physician put staples in my ears to wiggle, so that it would calm my urge to overeat.  All I got from that weight loss fad, was the realization that I was allergic to metals other than gold, silver and possibly stainless steel.

At a point many years down the road, the Lord God showed me that food, eating, loosing my weight had become a false god to me. In matters of stress, or joy, I turned to food to comfort me, instead of turning to Jesus Christ for the comfort I needed. He showed me that once I would put these in His very capable hands, in times of stress and joy, He would provide the comfort I longed for, and I no longer felt compelled to eat all those sweets, starches, and huge amounts of food. That doesn't mean that I never start slipping back into old patterns. But my hope now is that the Lord God will keep bringing me back to Him, as many times as it takes, and He assists in refocusing me!

Just Be Patient!

Be completely humble and gentle, be patient bearing with one another with love. Ephesians 4:2 NIV Bible

Well, this seems like a really good verse for me to focus on right now! There is a project, and I look at it from a "Get 'Er Done," perspective. I thought I was going to be in charge of the project, so I made a multitude of various charts to make it easy for me to collect the data I needed to make wise decisions related to this project.

It turns out, that the Lord God had it on my heart, that someone else is supposed to be in charge of this project. That was a hard one for me to take, because of all my extremely efficient charts I had made, etc. I thought I was on top of this, but I wasn't supposed to be. What a humbling experience! It's an especially difficult thing for me, because one of my biggest vices is wanting to be in control of things. I found this out, when the Lord God showed me that all those years that I wasn't successful at loosing the excess weight, I had prayed almost daily, "Lord, help me loose the weight." It wasn't until I gave up and told God that if He ever wanted me to be thin, He'd have to do it, because I couldn't!" Well, it was that very same day, that a miraculous thing happened. I was no longer drawn to sweets, carbs, and plate after plate of food. It wasn't something that I did differently. As I prayerfully pondered why the Lord God allowed the 80+ pound weight loss, and for the vast majority of it to stay off for over 30 years, I finally realized that I had finally given up trying to be in control and turned it over to the Lord God's hands!

So, giving up control for this project is difficult for me. At times, I am white knuckle struggling for patience as the person who is now in control of this project seems to take their time. But it isn't my timing that counts, it's the Lord God's. So what possibly frustrates me, is what will provide successful, well thought out decisions related to this project, in the long run. I just have to be patient!

Why Can't I?

 Peter asked, "Lord, why can't I follow You now? I will lay down my life for You." John 13:37 NIV Bible

Although this doesn't match up with this verse, but I often find myself asking the Lord God,  "Why can't I?" "Why can't I eat like other people do?" "Why can't I just be thin, rich, and popular?"

Well, if I ate like other people do, it wouldn't be healthy for my particular body. Sure, some people can eat anything thing they want, and as much as they want, and they're still thin! But that's not the way the Lord God made my body. There have been many times where I've realized that if I hadn't been so overweight all those years, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to experience the miracles Jesus Christ did in my body, my life, and my faith, by allowing me to loose 80+ pounds and keeping the vast majority of it off, for over 30 years. Not only that, but if the Lord hadn't made all these changes in my life, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to share so many of these with blog viewers. I believe that the Lord God is able to utilize even the negative things that have happened to us, to help empower others to know the love of the Lord.

To address the other Why can't I questions: if I were to do what it takes to be rich and popular, I wouldn't always be the Christian example that the Lord God wants me to be. If I were rich, it's all too easy to get caught up in that life style and always want more and newer things! If I were popular, sometime in order to keep your status within a popular group, you have to either overlook your Christian ethics, like not judging or looking down on others, or getting caught up in joining their actions. It's not worth getting the approval of people, rather than the approval of the Lord God. 

Have I Been Found Wanting?

 Tekel: You have been weighed on the scales and found wanting. Daniel 5:27 NIV Bible

This passage seems soooooo very appropriate to me right now, although what I'll discuss isn't exactly what this verse is speaking of, but in some ways it is. So, the Lord has Daniel interpreting for the king, the writing that was written on the wall. So, Daniel basically tells the king, You've been basically put into a two-sided scale, but you fell short of having the full amount [you should be.]

Lately, we've been contemplating a major purchase, more out of necessity than just wanting it, but somehow my sinful human nature gets caught up in this purchase, more than I should be. Although I tell myself that worldly things aren't important, and the Lord God will provide what is needed in His timing. 

And I do believe this with all my heart, but do my action say that? Not really! Lately, I've found myself awake for hours in the middle of the night, contemplating the best purchase decision and ways to ensure that. When I type this, I realize this doesn't at all sound like I'm trusting the Lord to provide what is needed in His way and in His timing. I'm falling back into my old pattern, of trying to be in control of things, and trying to speed things along, so it happens sooner than later. I am humbled by this, because I'm not practicing what I believe, and I have been put into the scales and have been found wanting!

Is Losing the Weight the Prize?

Brothers and sisters, I [still don't] consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize, for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 3:13-14 

You might think that the Lord's allowing me an 80+ pound weight loss and keeping the vast majority of it off for over 30 years, was the prize for my efforts. If you thought this, you would be greatly mistaken! Sure, I have wanted to loose all my excess weight from the point I first realized that kids were pointing at my pudgy body, and were laughing at me.  They tried to do it secretly, but I knew what they were doing when they were pointing at me, giggling with their hands over their mouths, so I wouldn't hear the words.

I thought the weight loss was the prize, for so many years! Everyday, I would pray and ask the Lord God to help me loose all my excess weight, but it didn't happen. This happened for so many years, I finally got to the point that I was giving up, and I told the Lord God, "If you ever want me to be thin, You'll have to do it Yourself, because I'm giving up on the diets and all things related to them."

Well the thing is, that very same day, the Lord God made a major change in my life. He took away my desire for towers of food, lots of sweets, and pastries. I knew in my mind that I had liked those things, but I no longer desired them. It took a couple of days to realize that the Lord God had taken those urges away from me. The more I realized this, the more I put all my fears, anxieties, and stress into the Lord God's very capable hands. After the weight was lost, I wondered why this happened, since I'm a very sinful human being, and often put food first before my faith and my family. What the Lord had on my heart was that, when I said that prayer, that was possibly the first time I quit trying to be in control of my weight loss and stress, and started putting them over to the Lord. That relationship with the Lord God was the prize, and the weight loss was just the icing on the cake, so to speak!