It Seems that I'm Fighting God's Gift

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift. 2 Corinthians 9:15 NIV Bible

I don't weigh myself often, because one of the lessons the Lord showed me is that I was letting the scale and what it said, have power over me and how I felt. Over the last six months or so, I would get really close to my goal weight, but each time I would realize this, I found that I got apprehensive! Shortly afterward, I would find myself eating large amounts of unsalted peanuts, or some other healthy splurge, feeling relieved that it would keep my weight from dropping any lower.

The day before yesterday, I thought the supposed three pound bag of blueberries was much lighter than those I had previously bought. I decided to weigh the back to see if that was accurate or not. The bag didn't weigh enough to register on our bathroom scale, so I had to step on the scale and get my weight, and then, step on the scale again, with the bag of frozen blueberries in my hands, to be able to calculate the difference. I was correct, the bag of blueberries was lighter, but only by about two ounces. Unfortunately, that situation caused a uncomfortable chain of emotions.

I realized that I was about 6 1/2 pounds from my goal weight, despite my having more healthy snacks lately. I had been fully dressed with my windbreaker still on, and usually they say that your clothes and shoes add 5 pounds to your weight, so that actually meant I was within 5 pounds of my goal weight, but I wasn't happy about it. Praying about it, I was made aware, that I'm always secretly concerned that the reason that my weight was so low, was because I had cancer or something that caused it to dip. But I had a thorough exam about six months ago, and that's not the case. I had to come to terms with the possibility that God was giving me the gift of my goal weight, and I had been fighting it! This opens up soooooo  much for me to be prayerful about!

I'm Not a Garbage Can!

 And Judah said, The strength of the bearers of burdens is decayed, and there is much rubbish; so that we are not able to build the wall. Nehemiah 4:10

I realize that this Bible verse is a looooooong stretch, as a tie in to either the title or the general topic of this post. But rubbish is the only word that I could think of that might be in the Bible, somewhat similar to the meaning of garbage!

Earlier in the week, my husband and I had shared a bag of unsalted peanuts in the shell. I ate my portion and gave the rest to my husband and said the rest was his. He ate some of it, and rolled up the rest of the peanuts and put them on our island in the kitchen. They were there all week, and I tried to talk him into putting them away, but it didn't speedily happen. So, I asked my husband if he really wanted the peanuts, and told me that he didn't want any more.

Well, I love peanuts, and I was O.K. with him eating them, putting them away, or throwing them away, but I didn't like the idea of them wasting. So, what did I do??? You got it, I got the peanut bag and opened it up to eat the last of the 13-14 peanuts in the shell. Was I hungry at the time? No, I wasn't. It just was too little an amount to put on the shelf, and I didn't want them to waste. As I was taking the bag full of shells to dump into our garbage can, "I'm not a garbage can," popped into my mind. I don't have to eat every last bit of things that might go to waste. God thinks more highly of me than that, or else He wouldn't have put that thought on my mind. It's what I used to do, before I started putting my food, my body, and my stress into His very capable hands! Fortunately for me, He reminds me when I start slipping back into old, counterproductive patterns, and He will do the same for you if you'd let Him!

It Looks Like I'm a Kick the Can Down the Road Christian!

 And when we were all fallen to the earth, I heard a voice speaking to me, and saying in the Hebrew [language,] Saul, Saul, Why [do] you persecute Me? It is hard for you to kick against the pricks. Acts 26:14

To be totally honest with you, I selected this passage for my post, because it had the word 'kick' in it.  But the more I contemplated this passage, the more I realized it was an extremely appropriate Bible verse for this! 

The basic meaning of the Post title was focused on how I keeping kicking the can down the road and put off doing some of the things the Lord God wants me to do. Before I got too far into writing this, I thought that I really should look up the Biblical meaning of kicking against the pricks. Although I thought pricks meant things with poky, sharp points, like needles, but the search said that it can figuratively be used to describe: resistance to God's will. This Bible verse hits the nail on the head!

I get too involved in what I want to do, or doing what I think the Lord wants me to do, that I'm not always open to what the Lord God really wants me to do! So, I apologize that I'm behind in some of the blog posts. But I also kick the can down the road with my prayers, my turning my food, my body, and stress over into the Lord God's very capable hands. Ultimately, that leads to nights of stress, instead of the calm, sweet peaceful sleep the Lord affords us, when we put all our worries in His gracious hands!

Follow Up on the Previous Post about Sinking into the Greedy Gurdies

He, [who] boasts about the cravings of his heart, he blesses the greedy & [disgusts] the Lord. Psalm 10:3 NIV Bible

This is part of what I wrote in my previous post: It reminds me of how I had already eaten two fried egg sandwiches and was basically full, but the emptiness within me still felt hungry, so I made a third fried egg sandwich that fell on the floor. It fell mayonnaise side down on the floor and it was goopy to pick the fried egg part up off the floor, but I did, and promptly reassembled the sandwich, and ate it. Although I have many mixed feelings about this episode, it was the start of the many changes the Lord God did in my life related to food. Through these, and putting by food, by body, my eating, and my stress into the Lord God's very capable hands, He blessed me with a weight loss of over 80 pounds and He has allowed the vast majority of that weight loss to stay off over the 30+ years. The thing is, if the Lord can do this for me, who is has sunk into the Greedy Gurdies, He can do it for you, if you only ask Him. I will explain more in the next post.

During the time prior to turning things over into the Lord God's hands, the Lord had many lessons for me, like this and the one in the previous post about scolding my daughter for wanting to share my favorite apples with her friends. It was like I was watching my actions in slow motion, and I was appalled with how I let food and wanting to be thin, control my life. It seems that most of my life, up until that point had been involved with dieting, or dealing with the insecurities of being overweight. 

I even tried what I called "My Best Diet," and even though I tried not to fudge too much on that diet, I still gained weight! I didn't know what to do. I decided that after being on sooooooo many diets, only to gain the weight back plus some extra, I might as well give up on dieting and just learn to deal with being fat, although I hate that word! So, I decided to let the Lord God know what my newest plan was. I sat on my bed and prayed, "Lord, I give up! If you every want me to be thin, You'll have to do it, because I can't!" Well, I was so surprised, because starting that evening and there after, I no longer had the urge to eat mountains of sweets and multiple plates of food. That desire was taken away from me through God's miracle that He did in my life. Although, I can't say that I don't start to slip back into old eating patterns, as soon as I pray to the Lord God, He brings me back into focus, and He can do the same for you, if you let Him!

 

Sinking into the Greedy Gurdies

The greedy stir up conflict, and those, who trust in the Lord will prosper. Proverbs 28:25 NIV Bible

Well, the conflict that's stirred up when I'm greedy related to food, is more of a personal sort. Not only is there the potential for weight gain, but when I'm greedy, it brings up all these mixed feelings from my past.

It reminds me of when I was about 8 or 9 and I skimmed the top layer off the homemade butterscotch pudding my mother had set in the window to cool. My only thought after being sent to my room, was that if I had known my mother would end up throwing out the whole bowl of pudding, I would have eaten even more of it! I had no sense of remorse!

It reminds me of when I encouraged the neighbor boy to go with me to the "Candy Store" two times to steal candy and treats. I never got caught, but the Lord had such an uneasy feeling within me, that let me realize that this dastardly deed was known by the Lord God, even if no one else knew. I never did that again, because I didn't like the idea of doing something that would disappoint the Lord, that way. 

It reminds me of how I scolded my young daughter trying to get some of my favorite Pippin Apples from the refrigerator to give to her friends. She ended up feeling guilty for doing that, but I felt justified in scolding her for doing this, because they were my only special treat, since I was dieting. Later, once I thought of my self-serving actions, I deeply regretted by response to my daughter. I so wish that I had instead shared admiration for her wanting to share with her friends, but I can't change what I said, although I apologized years later.

It reminds me of how I had already eaten two fried egg sandwiches and was basically full, but the emptiness within me still felt hungry. So, I made a third fried egg sandwich that fell on the floor. It fell mayonnaise side down on the floor and it was goopy to pick the fried egg part up off the floor, but I did and promptly reassembled the sandwich and ate it. Although I have many mixed feelings about this episode, it was the start of the many changes the Lord God did in my life related to food. Through these, and putting my food, my body, my eating, and my stress into the Lord God's very capable hands, He blessed me with a weight loss of over 80 pounds and He has allowed the vast majority of that weight loss to stay off over the 30+ years. The thing is, if the Lord can do this for me, who is has sunk into the Greedy Gurdies, He can do it for you, if you only ask Him. I will explain more in the next post.

I Thought I was Past This!!!!

The Lord said to Moses, "I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites. Tell them, 'At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread. Then, you will know that I Am the Lord your God.' Exodus 16:11-12 NIV Bible

Yesterday, when we went for lunch with friends, I could smell either pancakes or waffles. It made me think of the waffles that I love with lots of pecans on them, so I planned on making waffles for dinner tonight. My mother used to make breakfast for dinner when I was a kid and it was always a special treat!

I planned to put the chopped almonds on top of my husband's waffles, because I can no longer eat them. It seems that I choke more when I eat almonds, which is a shame, because I really like them.  I was going to make the waffle for me with pecans, one of my favorites! When my husband wanted pecan waffles, too, instead of one with chopped almonds, I got very defensive. I didn't want to share the pecans that I had stashed away for myself.

If you are reading between the lines, you'll realize that I was exhibiting some high-risk compulsive overeating behaviors. I had stashed those pecans aside just for me and I wasn't willing to share them. I even got very frustrated with him for even mentioning that he wanted pecans on his waffles, which is a normal thing for anyone to want. After trying to turn my struggling feelings over to the Lord God, I realized I was making food a false god again, and turning to food, instead of to the Lord, something I thought I no longer did. Obviously, I was wrong, but when I finally realized how I over-reacted to my husband's wanting a pecan waffle, I continued to try to put this in the Lord's hands. Eventually, He pushed through my foggy thinking and showed me what I was doing. I couldn't believe that I was doing this again after all these years! I thought I was past this! Fortunately, Jesus showed me the error of my ways, so I prayerfully decided to give my stash of pecans to my husband. Why keep something that's going to tempt me and lead me in to old, unhealthy patterns.