Patient in Affliction

 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12 NIV Bible

This passage makes me think about what it means more deeply. Being joyful in hope, means that I'm trusting the Lord God will take care of situations for me, which I was inconsistent about doing. If I'm being patient in affliction, I'm not feeling overwhelmed by my affliction, like I did when I was so heavy all those years. Being faithful in prayer, I hate to admit, doesn't just mean having the words come out of my mouth on auto-pilot, which has happened many times in my life.

When I was heavy, I knew the Lord, Jesus Christ, could heal me of my affliction, but it seemed that He wasn't paying attention to my needs, but was that right? Most definitely not. I had prayed about my weight ad nauseum, asking the Lord, "To help me lose the weight," but I wasn't listening to what He said to me. In hindsight, I feel He said, "Debbie, if you'd only turn your weight, and your problems over to me, you won't feel so afflicted." But did I listen? Nope!

After what seems like bajillions of diets and prayers filled trying to maintain my control, I finally gave up! I said, "Lord, I give up being thin, and if You ever want me to be thin, You'll have to do it, because I can't." And He did!!! I realize now that my prayers weren't faithful in Christ's to handling my worries, stress, and weight. It took giving up, before my eyes could be opened to see that He was there all along patiently waiting for Me! 

My Enemies Persecute Me

 "Lord, see how my enemies persecute me! Have mercy and lift me up from the gates of death!" Psalm 9:13 NIV Bible

Although I didn't stand at the gates of death when my enemies persecuted me, it sure felt like it at times! I was picked last for sports, even as a small child. It felt like they had ganged together to torment me, and pick me last, because of my weight!

In middle school and high school, I wasn't chosen to be in the popular groups, I had assumed, because of my weight. Trying to shine, in the crowded of ignoring faces, I tried to have noteworthy ideas. But they were overlooked, often to be praised when another person restated what I had just said. My self-esteem sagged, and I felt so alone!

But there was a point, when the Lord showed me that this approval from others wasn't truly what mattered. It was His approval of me, that really was significant in my life. Jesus Christ gave His live for me, as well as for you, and if He would do that for someone like me who felt persecuted by others, I must be more worthwhile than I thought. I no longer needed their approval, and my self-esteem wasn't yanked around by the occasional approval of some. It's only the Lord God's approval that matters, in the big scheme of things!

Promises, Promises

 "Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her!" Luke 1:45

I think that I approached my having excess weight as if it were a broken promise by the Lord. First of all,  the Lord never promised that I would be thin! But after reading in the Bible all those years about the Lord's giving people what they requested in prayer, I felt disappointed He hadn't given me mine!

Of course, it's easy to blame everyone else, including God for things, when we don't want to take responsibility for our actions. I'm not really talking about my actions in choosing to overeat, but my actions related to my prayers and faith. If I weren't so busy trying to be in control over everything, my problems, and those of everyone else and turned them and the stress of them, into the Lord's very capable hands, things might have been different. 

Fortunately for me, the Lord took pity on me, and showed me despite of my "control issues," that food had become a false god to me! I had turned to food for comfort during stressful times, mine and of others I knew, instead of prayerfully turning these issues over into the very capable hands of Christ. Once, it finally sunk in, and I finally started turning my stress over to the Lord, my whole life started to change! He can also do that for you, as well, if you let Him!

Why Has This Happened to Me?

 All the nations will ask, "Why has the Lord done this to the land? Why this fierce, burning anger?" Deuteronomy 29:24 NIV Bible

I used to wonder why the Lord God had me be heavy. Was I being punished for something? Did I make Him angry? Certainly, I could think of loads, upon loads of sinful things I've done wrong to justify His anger to me! But in hindsight, I don't think my weight had anything to do with God's displeasure of me or what I've done, although there would have been much to warrant it!

Through having the excess weight all those years, and God's having an 80+ pound weight loss, and allowing the vast majority of it to stay off for over 30 years, He's shown me many things. He's shown me the difference between true friendship and superficial friends. He's shown me, that my opinions are to be valued, no matter what size I am, and if they aren't I should be someplace that they are valued. I've learned that it wasn't my lack of control that led to my being heavy, but instead, it was my failure to relinquish control into Christ's very capable hands, which was instrumental in leading to the weight loss. 

I learned that I don't have to be thin, pretty, popular, smart, or any other particular thing, to have the love of the Lord God. He loves me just as I am, this very minute and size, whatever that is. I've learned that if He loves me the way I am, He also loves you, so please be prayerful about turning your life over into the Lord God's very capable hands!