In the Eye of the Beholder

 Matthew 7:3  [paraphrased] And why do you behold [see] the [speck] in your brother's eye, but [doesn't even consider] the beam in your own eye?

This relates to a personal situation where a friend told me I give too much advice, and rarely listen to what she really wants to say. I didn't intentionally do that and thought I was being a good friend. But being a good friend is in the eye of the beholder. If it doesn't feel like what you need from your friend, it isn't beneficial.

Did I feel like that only I possessed some insight that would change her life? Possibly, if I'm being honest. At the time, I thought it would help make her life easier. But do we always gain from someone else trying to make our life easier? Not necessarily!

Sometimes, we have to arrive at a particular decision or plan of action on our own timing, and having so-called friends like me tell them what they should do, may possibly undermine that timing! Unfortunately, I've hurt her feelings and have put her in the position to have to tell me this. Fortunately, God made her brave enough to tell me. She was being a good friend to me, to help me grow, to be the person God wants me to be.

Have I Truly Been a Friend?

 Job 16:1-2 [paraphrased] Then Job answered and said, I have heard many such things, you are all miserable comforters.

My focus in my posts has been related to a friend [who] felt I gave more advice, than listening to her feelings. Have I truly been a friend? That's a really good question. I thought I was. I thought I was [potentially] helpful advice, but being helpful is in the eyes of the beholder.

If what you really need is for someone to listen to you while you process things, before determining how you want to respond to an issue, having someone else tell you what you should and shouldn't do undermines that. It keeps you from processing things the way you wanted.

This has been on my heart ever since I've heard this, and I wanted to make it right, but I'm uncertain as to how to do this. All I can do is pray that the Lord God, heals her heart from this, and that I learn the lessons He wants for me to gain from this. I don't mean, learn it for a few minutes to appease Him, but to become the friend He wants me to be for others on His behalf, instead of someone who alienates them. I still have lots to be prayerful about!

Am I Really Learning?

 Deuteronomy 17:19  And it shall be with him, and he shall read therein all the days of his life: that he may learn to fear [respect] the Lord his God, to keep all the words of this law and these statutes, to do them:

Reading the Bible has most definitely allowed me to learn to fear [respect] the Lord God, but am I really learning, if I'm not applying it to the people the Lord has put into my life? I get too busy in figuring out what I think should be done, to truly hear their pain and anguish. I never realized I was so egotistical!

At times, I'm incensed by those who think that the feelings of others don't matter, but wasn't I doing exactly that, but on a different level? It's so easy to judge others, when we really aren't supposed to do that at all. We don't want the Lord to judge us by those same standards.

The thing is, I'm afraid, that since I've done this for so many years, I may revert back into "Know-It-All" Mode without even realizing. I know that doesn't have to be the case. God healed my compulsive overeating, and continues to bring me back to refocus, when I start slip-sliding into old eating patterns, especially when I'm stressed. Maybe, I need to focus on this, because God's gone to great lengths for me to hear this from two people within one week. If He wants me to truly learn this lesson and not back-slide, I need to stay closely attuned to Him, and allow Him to refocus me, if I slip back into old patterns.

Maybe not Hate Myself, but Hate What I Did, or Maybe It's What I Didn't Do

 Job 42:6, Wherefore I abhor [hate] myself, and repent in dust and ashes [a sign of mourning].

I've been writing several posts on this, processing the lessons the Lord has had for me in having two different people, of late, tell me that I don't listen to them, but spend my time, instead of trying to tell them what they should do to fix the issues.

Although I didn't realize it at the time, because I genuinely thought I was being helpful, the Lord has help me realize that I was being egotistical to think that I could solve their problems, that I had the solution to everything!

In realizing this, this Bible verse seems to fit with some tweaks, I don't hate myself, by I do hate what I've done, or maybe it's more what I haven't done. Regardless, I feel really badly, and I think I've distanced myself from another person years ago, that I truly regret. I get too busy in trying to think up pithy words of wisdom, that I haven't been there when they needed someone to empathize. I truly regret that!