Why Am I Fearful about Getting to My Goal Weight?

 I praise You, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know full well that Your works are wonderful. Psalm 139:14 NIV Bible [Same words, but in a different order.]

In the previous post, I told you that I have been apprehensive every time weight my weight dips down close to my goal weight. I shared that I had secretly worried that possibly I had cancer or something that caused my weight to drop that low. Over 30 years ago, the Lord God blessed me with over an 80+ pound weight loss, with the vast majority of it staying off for over 30 years. Well, I was 20 pounds over my goal weight for at least 10 of those years. Then I was 15 pounds over my goal, then 10 pounds over my goal, and now I'm 5 pounds over my goal. Why have I been so fearful?

I went to my doctor's about 6 months ago, and I had him do a thorough physical, along with an extensive blood test, but everything turned out fine, except that my cholesterol is higher than he would like it. Each time I would find out my weight dipped lower, I would eat more healthy snacks, but that didn't stop my weight from dipping. The funny thing is, I had long given up any interest in trying to get back to my goal weight. I have been happy at the weight the Lord had me at, and anything else seemed strange.

I'm still in the process of prayerfully contemplating all of this. Over 30 years ago, I had some episodes where I would binge eat after my weight got low to my goal weight, because I was uncomfortable about the idea of undue attention from men, because of it, but that's not a concern anymore. Maybe, the Lord God wants me to be at my most healthy optimum weight, as an additional blessing for me, but I have no idea. I just have to continue to be prayerful, and trust the Lord God, since His plans are impeccable. I need to work on just being grateful, instead of fearful. 

It Seems that I'm Fighting God's Gift

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift. 2 Corinthians 9:15 NIV Bible

I don't weigh myself often, because one of the lessons the Lord showed me is that I was letting the scale and what it said, have power over me and how I felt. Over the last six months or so, I would get really close to my goal weight, but each time I would realize this, I found that I got apprehensive! Shortly afterward, I would find myself eating large amounts of unsalted peanuts, or some other healthy splurge, feeling relieved that it would keep my weight from dropping any lower.

The day before yesterday, I thought the supposed three pound bag of blueberries was much lighter than those I had previously bought. I decided to weigh the back to see if that was accurate or not. The bag didn't weigh enough to register on our bathroom scale, so I had to step on the scale and get my weight, and then, step on the scale again, with the bag of frozen blueberries in my hands, to be able to calculate the difference. I was correct, the bag of blueberries was lighter, but only by about two ounces. Unfortunately, that situation caused a uncomfortable chain of emotions.

I realized that I was about 6 1/2 pounds from my goal weight, despite my having more healthy snacks lately. I had been fully dressed with my windbreaker still on, and usually they say that your clothes and shoes add 5 pounds to your weight, so that actually meant I was within 5 pounds of my goal weight, but I wasn't happy about it. Praying about it, I was made aware, that I'm always secretly concerned that the reason that my weight was so low, was because I had cancer or something that caused it to dip. But I had a thorough exam about six months ago, and that's not the case. I had to come to terms with the possibility that God was giving me the gift of my goal weight, and I had been fighting it! This opens up soooooo  much for me to be prayerful about!

I'm Not a Garbage Can!

 And Judah said, The strength of the bearers of burdens is decayed, and there is much rubbish; so that we are not able to build the wall. Nehemiah 4:10

I realize that this Bible verse is a looooooong stretch, as a tie in to either the title or the general topic of this post. But rubbish is the only word that I could think of that might be in the Bible, somewhat similar to the meaning of garbage!

Earlier in the week, my husband and I had shared a bag of unsalted peanuts in the shell. I ate my portion and gave the rest to my husband and said the rest was his. He ate some of it, and rolled up the rest of the peanuts and put them on our island in the kitchen. They were there all week, and I tried to talk him into putting them away, but it didn't speedily happen. So, I asked my husband if he really wanted the peanuts, and told me that he didn't want any more.

Well, I love peanuts, and I was O.K. with him eating them, putting them away, or throwing them away, but I didn't like the idea of them wasting. So, what did I do??? You got it, I got the peanut bag and opened it up to eat the last of the 13-14 peanuts in the shell. Was I hungry at the time? No, I wasn't. It just was too little an amount to put on the shelf, and I didn't want them to waste. As I was taking the bag full of shells to dump into our garbage can, "I'm not a garbage can," popped into my mind. I don't have to eat every last bit of things that might go to waste. God thinks more highly of me than that, or else He wouldn't have put that thought on my mind. It's what I used to do, before I started putting my food, my body, and my stress into His very capable hands! Fortunately for me, He reminds me when I start slipping back into old, counterproductive patterns, and He will do the same for you if you'd let Him!

It Looks Like I'm a Kick the Can Down the Road Christian!

 And when we were all fallen to the earth, I heard a voice speaking to me, and saying in the Hebrew [language,] Saul, Saul, Why [do] you persecute Me? It is hard for you to kick against the pricks. Acts 26:14

To be totally honest with you, I selected this passage for my post, because it had the word 'kick' in it.  But the more I contemplated this passage, the more I realized it was an extremely appropriate Bible verse for this! 

The basic meaning of the Post title was focused on how I keeping kicking the can down the road and put off doing some of the things the Lord God wants me to do. Before I got too far into writing this, I thought that I really should look up the Biblical meaning of kicking against the pricks. Although I thought pricks meant things with poky, sharp points, like needles, but the search said that it can figuratively be used to describe: resistance to God's will. This Bible verse hits the nail on the head!

I get too involved in what I want to do, or doing what I think the Lord wants me to do, that I'm not always open to what the Lord God really wants me to do! So, I apologize that I'm behind in some of the blog posts. But I also kick the can down the road with my prayers, my turning my food, my body, and stress over into the Lord God's very capable hands. Ultimately, that leads to nights of stress, instead of the calm, sweet peaceful sleep the Lord affords us, when we put all our worries in His gracious hands!